


Photophobia

by GerdavR



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Companion Piece, F/M, I hope you like it :), but I fell for it anyway!, this was supposed to be a crackship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-07 06:30:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15213221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerdavR/pseuds/GerdavR
Summary: After a failed mission Rose and Hux crash on an uninhabited jungle planet ... (Hux/Rose cuz I'm a horrible crackshipper, slow burn, evental smut)Companion piece to "The Cruellest Thing" from Hux' POV





	1. The Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my lovely beta [aliyamirat](http://aliyamirat.tumblr.com/) who was kind enough to read this fic too! English isn't my first language so please be kind :3  
> 

Seeing his subordinates working diligently while he stood calmly in the centre of the bridge of the _Destructor_ was immensely satisfying – for a moment Hux almost felt content. Of course it didn’t last; the beeping of the priority comm channel startled everybody around him. Hux himself didn’t move, didn’t allow himself to show how much the call of this _child_ irritated him.

The visage of Supreme Leader Ren appeared before him. Hux gave him a polite nod. “Supreme Leader.”

“General Hux, have you succeeded in recovering the relic from Ghrma 4?” Ren asked, voice thick with barely veiled impatience.

Hux registered of course the pronoun Ren had used. So he was now solely responsible for the search of some mystic nonsense? He almost scoffed.

“We are still attempting to land. The ion particles in the atmosphere-”

“I’m not interested in excuses! The pilots just have to try until they succeed!” interrupted Ren.

Hux straightened his back. “It’s not a matter of piloting skill. The chances of a shuttle flying though the particles without sufficient modifications is close to zero.”

That seemed to give Ren pause. He frowned. “I want you to supervise the expedition yourself. I need that relic.”

Hux licked his lips and said calmly. “Supreme Leader, my presence wouldn’t expedite the mission. I’m of much better use in command-”

This time he felt a Force grip around his throat and he fell silent.

“Do as you’re told,” Ren’s voice was barely a whisper.

Hux gasped and nodded. He felt how he was lifted of the floor. Ren let go of him and he fell on the floor, struggling for air.

Ren ended the call and Hux gritted his teeth. Damn Ren and his need to humiliate him publicly. He felt heat creep up his cheeks; the whole bridge had seen his undignified exchange. Ren was corroding his authority – he didn’t care if it was on purpose or if Ren was simply following his infantile motions. By the stars! How he hated this man!

He took a deep breath and got up from the floor. Nobody dared to look at him. Hux twisted his lips in anger. He wanted show them that he was- he exhaled. No, either they realised that Ren was unreasonable or they didn’t. Lashing out at his subordinates wouldn’t change that.

He was aware of the whispers behind his back. The veterans of the old Empire called him ‘mad,’ Snoke himself had called him ‘rabid cur.’ Hux was used to slurs: Ever since the academy he had been mocked, be it for the perceived nepotism or his appearance. No, it didn’t bother him that he was unpopular … it did bother him that the slurs were so inaccurate.

In the rare moments he had to himself he pondered his reputation and it irked him. He was the opposite of hot-headed and mad. He was cold and calculating.

His musings were interrupted by a quiet voice. “Sir?”

Hux turned his attention to the dark-haired man before him. Lieutenant Mitaka, 24, shy, needs supervision, last performance evaluation: satisfactory.

Hux arranged his face into a neutral expression. “Lieutenant Mitaka – what is it?”

He registered that the man’s eyes widened a little when he heard his name, he clearly hadn’t expected Hux to remember it. “W-well, sir. Shall I arrange the transport to the Ghrma system?”

Hux clasped his hands behind his back. What a waste of time. But he could do his part to limit the waste of the resources at least. “Yes, but no escort. A pilot in a non-descript shuttle should be enough. I’ll depart in the morning.”

Mitaka bowed and turned on his heel to prepare the journey.

 

 

After a rather tedious dinner in the mess hall Hux returned to his quarters. He hardly ever ate a whole meal since he could think of other more useful things he could do with his limited time – like reading reports, drawing up plans or checking the personnel files.

But military custom demanded that he spent enough time at the table lest the other officers could finish their meals. After all dinner was over as soon the highest-ranking officer left; the other officers wouldn’t be able to finish after he had left.

He had of course tried to break with this useless tradition but the older officers had openly disapproved, making a show of finishing their meal as soon as he had left the table. Hux longed for the day where these relics weren’t in command anymore.

As per standing order, his adjutant had put a cup of steaming Tarine tea on his desk. He slipped out of his greatcoat and put it on a hanger next to the door. His thoughts returned to the ongoing projects as he took a clothes brush out of the narrow closet in the entrance and started to mechanically brush his already flawless coat.

Then he pulled his boots from his feet and started to polish them with an old rag. The newest walker had a slight production delay; he had demanded a progress report. He was curious if the lead technician – Captain Layky, 41, ambitious, last performance evaluation: very good – had been able to solve the problem with the overheating of the cannons.

Hux put the boots down and checked if he had placed them completely symmetrical. He was of course aware that the factotum droid would clean his clothes but it put him to ease to do these menial tasks himself.

He strode over to his desk and took a sip of tea while pulling up the reports he had received in the last hour.

 

 

His chronometer beeped around midnight standard galactic time. Hux put down the data pad and headed into the large bathroom adjacent to his bedroom. He dimmed the light a little and started to undress. In matter of minutes he had showered and put on his long-sleeved pyjamas before he brushed his teeth and headed to bed.

At exactly five o’clock in the morning his chronometer beeped again. He took a stim and got up. In matter of minutes he was dressed and had shaved. At 5:20 he sat at his desk and continued to read reports.

At 5:25 his orderly entered with a cup of tea and a ration bar on a platter.

“Thank you, private,” said Hux without looking up.

The soldier retreated and Hux finished his work. Another look on his chronometer made him sigh – soon he had to leave. Waste of time indeed.

 

 

Captain Bahk, 32, devoted to the First Order, last performance evaluation: outstanding, snapped at attention as soon as Hux entered the hangar.

“General, it’s an honour.”

Hux nodded and made a mental note: Devoted but toady. “At ease, Captain Bahk. ETA on Ghrma 4?”

“Depending on the route 16:12 or 17:32, sir. There is an asteroid storm in the next sector.”

Hux’ eyebrow rose. “Recommendation?”

“Sir, I recommend the second route. We are only slightly delayed and it’s safer.”

Hux strode into the shuttle. “The second route it is, Captain.”

 

 

He was absorbed in his work when they entered the Ghrma sector, but when the shuttle was hit by something and began to rumble he jerked his head up.

“Enemy on 14.3, sir,” said Bahk. His voice was cool and clipped. “I’ll accelerate to get into comm range with your cruiser at Ghrma 4.”

Hux sat on the co-pilot seat and activated the on-board cannons. Thanks to the automated targeting system that had been installed just weeks ago he was able to return fire quickly. But the other pilot wasn’t unskilled and soon the shuttle was hit by a barrage of shots. Hux cursed under his breath.

“We have to land, sir,” shouted the pilot. Proximity and fire warning were beeping loudly.

“Kriff!” said Hux and strapped himself into the co-pilot seat. At least they had hit the resistance scum as well, judging from their trajectory they were also going down.

The shuttle shook as they entered the atmosphere. Hux clenched his hands to fists – why had Ren sent him on his inane mission? By the Force, if he survived this-

The canopy came closer quickly and suddenly they hit something hard and everything turned black.


	2. The Crash

When he woke up, he groaned. His head felt like it had split apart, his hip burned in pain. He slowly reached up and released the belts that were holding him in place. At least he was alive. He turned his head towards Bahk; a branch and penetrated the windshield and had pierced him into his right shoulder.

“Captain?” he said in a quiet voice.

The man didn’t move. Hux knew he had to bring him into a stable position, in case he had to resuscitate him. He gritted his teeth and got up.

He quickly loosened Bahk’s belts and dragged him towards the airlock. After a few attempts he finally managed to open it and dragged him out.

The first thing he noticed was the taste of fresh, unfiltered air: Timber, soil and something unknown. He put Bahk down on the ground and opened the first few buttons of his uniform. Then he pulled the glove off his right hand to feel the pilot’s pulse at his neck. He wasn’t surprised to discover that the man was dead – the branch had impaled him and the amount of blood indicated that they landed quite some hours ago.

Wisps of his hair hung onto Hux’s face and he tried to slick them back and straightened his uniform. He had to think, to plan. He looked up and scanned the vicinity – the rebels had undoubtedly landed somewhere near. It was only a matter of time until they showed up to capture or kill him.

He checked his blaster and headed back into the shuttle. After a few moments he found the backpack with the emergency rations. He checked the comm system, but one glance told him that it was out of commission. Fried by the enemy fire.

Damn it! He had to check it once he had more time. But first he had to establish where the enemy was. He folded his greatcoat and stuffed it into the backpack before he stepped out of the shuttle. He squinted his eyes at the bright light and decided to head north – away from the trails of destruction his shuttle had left.

 

 

About an hour later the burning pain in his hip became too painful and he had to stop. He cursed under his breath, it was already dark – he should’ve checked it before the sun had set. The light was too dim to see anything. And even if he had a flashlight he had to remain hidden.

He spotted a plant with large leafs and decided to crawl under it, not a very dignified move but at least he wouldn’t be visible to the enemy at first glance. He didn’t believe that they were still searching for him, but he felt utterly exhausted and without stims he would certainly fall asleep at one point. Only minutes later he had fallen into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

He woke with a start as his chronometer started to beep.

“Kriff!”

He muted the chronometer. Stupid! Weak! Why hadn’t he thought of turning the alarm off? He frantically looked around, listening if somebody was closing in on him. After a couple of minutes his heartbeat slowed down as it became apparent that nobody had heard the alarm.

His head still hurt and his hip wasn’t much better. He pulled the emergency canteen from his backpack and took a gulp; it seemed that there were no rations – contrary to regulation. Hux frowned and took another gulp. Well, he wasn’t hungry anyway.

He stood up and looked around, he had no idea in which direction he should head. Suddenly he smelled smoke and the rancid smell of burned synthetic fabric. He pulled his blaster from the holster and stared in the direction the smell supposedly was coming.

He had to check the enemy shuttle – either they were dead or he could ambush them. He checked the hidden dagger in his left sleeve and gripped his blaster tighter. He was a good shot but the unknown terrain and the unknown number of opponents were a problem.

Taking a deep breath he crept into towards the smoke.


	3. The Enemy

Soon he discovered the remains of the rebel shuttle. It was nothing more than a husk. The swath of destruction behind it was far greater than he had anticipated. Hux hid behind a tree and observed the enemy craft.

It was a small, old Y-Wing-model. If memory served correctly it was usually manned by two pilots. An odd choice to try to capture him – an PX-freighter would have been more-

A rustle in the coppice stopped his train of thought. His eyes darted to the large tree where the noise was coming from, he trained his blaster into this direction.

To his surprise a dark-haired woman in a brown jumpsuit emerged from the underbush. She limped towards the shuttle, holding her right hand. Judging from the dirt on her clothes and the pained expression on her face she wasn’t doing well.

She entered the shuttle. Hux waited for a moment, but nobody followed her. Was she the sole survivor of the crash? This was probably the best chance to capture her and interrogate her – even if somebody was still out in the forest he had a hostage.

He gritted his teeth and crept as fast as possible towards the shuttle while still holding his blaster. The burning pain in his hip began to fade as he closed in. He was just in time as he heard somebody moving inside the shuttle, and just when he arrived at the airlock the woman stepped out of it.

There was shock and anger visible on her face. Hux quickly scanned her for weapons but it seemed that she was unarmed.

“On your knees, rebel scum,” he said.

She put her left hand behind her head and knelt down. The way she pressed her right hand against her chest indicated that it hurt.

His eyes darted back to her face. He had seen her before. That curly hair … he inhaled sharply. “I know you – you‘re the rebel who was with that traitor. You tried to sabotage the hyperspace tracker.”

She glared at him with unveiled disdain. So, she had recognized him as well.

“Is the traitor in there?” asked Hux. He twisted his lips. “He‘s dead isn‘t he?”

“Finn is alive and well. And that’s more than you can say about Phasma,” she snapped.

How dare this filth even _talk_ about Phasma? Hux felt himself getting angry. “Get up, I want to see him myself.”

He directed her into the cockpit. Hux checked the body slumped over the controls in the pilot seat. The man was dead and regrettably it wasn’t the traitor. So the woman was alone. He felt relief washing over him and he relaxed a little. They wouldn’t take him prisoner. He wiped his face. Strange: It was a poorly planned operation – even my rebel standards.

And they couldn’t have known that he was on his way to the Ghrma system … but he had no time to think about that. He had to focus.

“What were you doing in here?” he asked.

She frowned. “What do you think, Hux? I checked the long-range transmitter.”

Hux glanced at the console. “It‘s obviously burnt out. You can‘t possibly-”

“Of course I can! You don‘t-”

The insolence! He pointed his blaster at her. “Don‘t interrupt me!”

No discipline, he thought with a scornful snort. Not surprising from rebel scum. But perhaps she still could be useful? The jumpsuit suggested that she was used to working with tech. “Are you a technician?”

She chewed on her lower lip, after a few moments she finally answered: “Mechanic. But I know quite a lot about all the other stuff as well.”

Finally some good luck, thought Hux. He wasn’t completely inept but he still was far from being a decent technician. The chips in his shuttle were fried of course but perhaps there was a way to force her to repair them?

He cleared his voice. “You will accompany me to my shuttle. And you will fix the long-range comm.” She still had defiance in her eyes. Why wasn’t she afraid of him? “And if you don’t comply I‘ll shoot you.”

“If you shoot me you‘re stuck here,” she retorted, obviously not impressed in the slightest by his threat.

He was baffled and snapped back: “Shut up and do as I say.” Stupid. He regretted his words – they were undignified and sounded insecure. Weak.

 

 

At least she didn’t refuse to exit the shuttle. As she stood before him in the open he noticed that she was quite a bit smaller than he was, so it was unlikely that she could overpower him. But she seemed to have a stubborn streak that could endanger him.

He just had to keep an eye on her. Hux pointed towards the location of his shuttle. “This way and don‘t try anything.”

She looked in the direction he had pointed to and gulped. She slumped a little. “Mind if we take a detour to the river? I need to drink something first.”

River? Hux frowned. “Is it far?”

“Perhaps two kilometres?”

Was it a trap? Either way he had to refill his canteen soon and it seemed sensible to find a water source. “Lead the way.”

The pain in his hip started to act up as soon as they started walking. Hux felt hot and tried to will the pain to go away. She mustn’t know that he was injured. But after a while he started to feel sick from the dull pain.

He grimaced and said “Stop.”

Leaning against a tree, he made an effort to look stoic. Of course she scanned him with her eyes, taking in his weakness.

He rubbed his leg and allowed himself a short break before he gestured her to move on.

 

 

Soon he could hear water swooshing. The woman quickened her pace and crouched down to drink from the small river in front of her.

Hux looked around. There didn’t seem to be anything threatening. He decided to sit down and couldn’t suppress a groan as he awkwardly let himself down. He really needed to have a look at his hip – was it only bruised? And the throbbing pain in his head wasn’t getting better either.

She was of course watching him closely, waiting for a chance to kill him. She didn’t look vicious, but looks could be deceiving.

He pulled the canteen out of his backpack. Then he realised that he was still wearing his black leather gloves, he was sweating but he hadn’t thought about pulling them off. He used his teeth to free his left hand from the glove and submerged the canteen in the water. The cool water felt good against his hot skin. He switched the blaster into the left and pulled the other glove off as well.

He noticed that she had averted her gaze and was looking at the water in a pensive way. She washed her face and ran her uninjured hand through her hair. She looked tired. Was it an act to get him to lower his guard?

It didn’t matter, he would focus on the task at hand.

 

 

When they finally arrived at the First Order shuttle Hux felt relieved. He could rest and let her do the work.

He ordered her into the shuttle and stayed close to her to see what she was doing. With obvious wonder and fascination she looked at the tech. The expression on her face had softened, but when she glanced over her shoulder she set her lips into a thin line. There was disgust apparent but not fear.

It bothered him. “What are you waiting for? Get to it!”

She gave him another cocky look before she turned and started to work on the console of the com. Hux sat down on the co-pilot seat. He was exhausted, if he just could rest up for a moment …

“The chips are fried, do you have other systems with GB-converted isolinear chips?” she said.

Hux took in what he had heard; she obviously knew her craft. At least there was that, but there was another problem … he should’ve known that she couldn’t fix the comm without new chips. He had to focus! This had been an avoidable mistake! “We replaced the GB-converted parts with the newer GC parts a couple of weeks ago,” he finally admitted.

She looked again on the console and rubbed her left hand on the rough fabric of her trousers, as if she wanted to wipe off engine oil.

“What kind of chips are in your shuttle?” Hux asked.

“Why do you even ask? Our chips are outdated, you saw our gear,” she said without venom in her voice.

Of course. He should’ve known that. What was the matter with him? Usually he wasn’t this slow on the uptake.

“I could try to repair our long range comm however,” she added.

He scoffed. “And why would in the galaxy would I allow that? I‘m not exactly keen on resistance hospitality.”

She shrugged. “What else is there? Do you want to die here?”

Hux felt tired to death, the pain in his head didn’t help either. He needed to get fit as soon as possible, his survival depended on it – he couldn’t afford to let her take the upper hand. “We‘ll wait. Perhaps our last signal got through,” he said without much conviction.

 

 

When they exited the shuttle he gestured her to sit down next to a tree. If she wanted to flee he would have a pretty good shot before she could even get on her feet. He glanced at Bahk’s body before focussing again on her. As soon as help arrived he would see to it that the Captain’s body would be taken care of.

The rebel palmed her arm and rolled her sleeve back. Even from this distance it was clear that the arm was broken, the ulna possibly. She looked miserable. That’s what she gets for resisting the First Order, Hux though grimly. After a few moments she got up and grabbed a branch; there was little doubt she wanted to try to splint her arm. Hux thought about preventing her from treating herself, but after thinking about it briefly, he decided it wouldn’t matter.

He watched her busying herself with the branch. She struggled to break the branch and when she finally managed to put an old rag around it, she looked unwell. But she didn’t stop until she had a crude splint around her arm. Against his will he was impressed with her tenacity.

Now she softly touched her leg. Was she going to-

A soft growl from the coppice made Hux jerk around. He trained his blaster out of reflex towards the source of the noise. Mere seconds later a dark-furred feline-like creature bust out of the underwood and made a huge leap towards the woman. Hux hand remained steady and with a single precise shot into the creature’s head, he brought it down. The predator plunged on the ground, a roar right next to him made Hux spin around, but he was too late.

The feline creature had jumped at him, throwing him off balance. When he smacked on the ground he lost his blaster and he screamed in frustration and fear. He tried to fend off the razor-sharp teeth and claws with his bare hands.

Suddenly a series of shots rang out and the predator fell heavily on him. In a state of panic he crawled out from under the animal. It was a few moments later when he finally realised that it was dead. What the- he looked up and saw the rebel standing over him, holding his blaster with an expression of terror on her face.

His mind worked quickly. She would shoot him, if he didn’t act fast. Then he felt the hot, searing pain from his chest and had he had to squeeze his eyes shut. He heard her coming closer and he turned and faked a cough. She took another step and he quickly threw himself around and grabbed her leg.

One hard pull and she fell on her back. Hux half crawled, half stumbled until he was over her. He let his dagger slide into his hand and pressed its cool blade against her neck.

The effect was immediate. She let go of the blaster. Hux allowed himself a quick satisfied smile and took the gun before lifting his weight off her. She stared at the dagger in his left hand. She almost looked offended. He had to cough and felt a searing pain through his chest.

He retreated and kept his sights on her. She grabbed her right arm and held it tightly pressed against her chest, eyes squeezed shut. So she was in pain too.

Hux glanced once again at the creature that had almost mauled him. Its carcass was full of blaster wounds – she seemed to be a poor shot. Perhaps he had to be grateful that she didn’t accidentally kill him.

Come to think of it he could count himself lucky that she came to his help. Strange, it had been a golden opportunity for her to kill him. It seemed that this mechanic wasn’t as cold-blooded as he had thought.

He looked at her once again. She was struggling to remake the splint and was absorbed with the task. He seized the moment to check on his chest, but the injury was near his collar bone and he couldn’t even get a look at it. He palmed it cautiously but all he could feel was warm sticky blood.


	4. The Plan

Hux started to feel hungry and thirsty but he decided to wait until he took another gulp of his canteen. Slowly the shadows grew longer and he realised that the sun would soon set.

“Into the shuttle,” he said in a coarse voice. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about predators of the forest inside.

The rebel just got up and followed his instructions; he wasn’t the one getting tired it seemed. They sat down in the back of the vessel where he had a clean view on her despite the rising darkness.

There was not much to do beside stare at each other. She checked him out from head to toe. There was no real emotion visible on her face but Hux imagined that she was appalled.

He tried his best to give her a dismissive sneer now and then but he couldn’t manage it. He was simply too exhausted and he wasn’t in the mood to deploy his usual methods when dealing with the resistance. He could mock and sneer at her when he was feeling better.

After a couple of hours she moved and his grip around the blaster became firmer.

“I’m just getting a ration bar,” she said when she slid her hand into one of her pockets. His eyes widened. So she had food?

Indeed she produced a wrapped bar and proceeded to pry the wrapping open. She took a bite and chewed slowly, closing her eyes for a moment. It seemed that the bar tasted good, Hux thought, annoyed. His stomach felt hollow.

He reached for the canteen and took a gulp of water so he wouldn’t feel too hungry. She leaned back and looked as if she wanted to sleep. Hux frowned a little. Why wasn’t she scared of him? There was another problem of course – he too had to sleep eventually. He could only hope that the rescue would arrive in the next couple of hours. Too bad that he didn’t have some kind of restraints …

In this moment his stomach growled. Hux felt himself blushing and pressed his left hand on it as if he could muffle the sound somehow. He noticed of course that she had cracked an eye open. He felt uneasy and reached again for the canteen.

She cleared her throat and he froze. Now she would mock him, make fun of his weak-

“Care for a trade?” she asked and slowly reached into one of the overalls pockets. The wrapping of the ration bar rustled a little and glittered in the dim light as she pulled it out.

Hux looked from his canteen to the bar, considering his options. He could of course force her to give him the bar … but what was the point? There was enough water left and he needed her to be cooperative. He nodded and they traded.

He watched her drink the water: Apparently she had been thirsty for quite some time. He quickly unwrapped the bar and devoured it. It didn’t taste as good as he had expected but it made the hollow feeling go away.

She screwed the canteen shut and handed it back. Hux almost flinched when their fingers met. To his amazement she leaned back against the wall, closed her eyes and fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

Listening to her deep, steady breaths made him even more tired. He tried to keep his eyes open, but soon he dozed off.

 

 

Hux dreamt about Starkiller base. He was running through the innards of the gigantic base, looking for something, without knowing what. The troopers he encountered ignored him. He yelled at them and ordered them to salute him but they just stared at him if he weren’t even there.

A loud noise startled him and he sat straight up. For a short moment he was confused but he quickly realised where he was and his eyes darted to the woman across from him. A loud crow could be heard from outside; it reminded him of Arkanian corbies. Bahk. Hux wiped across his face, there was nothing he could do now.

He checked his chronometer as saw that it was well past 10 o’clock.

“I could still try to fix my long range comm,” said the rebel. “Or do you still think your rescue party is only running a little late?”

His head was still hurting, he rubbed his temple. He shouldn’t listen to her. She was the enemy.

“We have to get some water anyway. We might as well check if there are any traces of the wings,” she continued.

He felt sick, and had to pull himself together to not puke on the spot. Slowly he looked up. “Wings? What are you going on about?”

She rubbed her hand on her trousers. “I can use the fuel injector chips to replace the fried ones in the comm panel. The debris should be somewhere.”

He frowned. “How do you even know that they aren’t burnt out?”

To his dismay she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, okay. But what else is there? Either we wait until we get eaten by the local wildlife or we do something.”

She was right of course. But he would appear weak if he- no, that was nonsense. It didn’t matter what she thought of him. All that mattered was to get off this rock. “If this is some trick …” he warned.

She crossed her arms and stared at him impertinently. How could she be so bold? So secure in herself? He cleared his throat. “Lead the way.”

 

 

Hux forced himself to look at the remains of Bahk as they stepped outside. He couldn’t allow himself to be squeamish. He twisted his lips as he saw that he had been right about the birds – they had eaten away parts of his face.

The rebel looked quickly away, an expression of disgust passed over her features. For a moment he thought that she looked sad. He didn’t understand, she was clearly strong and bold – why wouldn’t she rejoice in a slain enemy?

They tramped through the forest until they reached the river. Hux suppressed a sigh of relived when he could finally rest again. He refilled the canteen and drank from the fresh water. Then he attempted to check on his chest again, the injury felt hot and it didn’t help that his uniform chaffed against the wound. But it was to no avail – as much as he tried he simply couldn’t get a look; the injury was to high up on his collar bone.

At any rate he had to cleanse it. He looked up and saw that she was staring at him. Nobody had the right to look at him that way, she was supposed to be intimidated … not this … whatever this was.

He wanted to snap at her and drew breath, but before he could speak he pulled himself together and remained silent. No, he had to appear superior, calm, in control.

“You-” he began. “Build a fire and use the canteen to- to cook water. I need to clean my wounds.” It irked him that he had spluttered.

She glared at him. “I have a broken arm in case you haven’t noticed! And my ankle isn’t in great shape either. How about you do it yourself!”

“Just do as I say!” he yelled in frustration.

He lifted his blaster and she obeyed. She quickly collected firewood and used the electro lighter he gave her to start the fire. He was surprised how well she build the fireplace and how smoothly she put the canteen into the fire – all while being one-handed. For a moment he wondered how it was possible that such an accomplished woman had ended up with the resistance.

He waited until the water started to boil, then he ordered her to bring it to him. She grabbed the canteen by its isolated handle and set it down in front of him before returning to her spot.

Hux found a piece of an old uniform in the backpack and put it into the hot water. After a while he pulled it out and tried to clean his forehead. It burned badly and he was shocked to see red streams of water and blood running down his face. Had he underestimated his injuries? There was a serious risk of sepsis even with a small cut and not being able to see his injuries properly …

The rebel was trying to splint her arm again. It was obvious that she wouldn’t succeed anytime soon on her own. Just as he wouldn’t succeed on his own.

Hux hadn’t gotten top of the First Order because he had trusted others … but as a military leader he knew that he had to rely on others to reach his goal. This- this was no different, he told himself.

He swallowed his pride. “P-perhaps we can make a deal?”

Her head jerked up and she narrowed her eyes. “What kind of deal?”

“Well, I’ll help you if you help me. With the injuries I mean.” He made an effort to sound authoritarian.

For a moment he feared that she could decline, thus humiliating him.

“You could’ve said something before I limped back here,” she quipped and got up. “Splint my arm first, then it’s easier for me to patch your pasty face up.”

Her insults he could take, he had been called far worse by people that actually mattered. He decided to ignore her slurs. “If-“

“Yeah, yeah, no tricks, blah, blah.”

Who was this woman? He wondered again. He couldn’t read her at all.

He tensed up a bit when she closed in on him and sat down. She simply held out her right arm and waited for him to splint her arm. She- she hadn’t even hesitated.

Hux slowly put the blaster down but kept it close. He quickly loosed the badly bound splint and held the branch in place while wrapping the rag firmly around it. From time to time he brushed her skin. She was surprisingly warm and soft. He tried to remember the last time he had touched another sentient being … only the slap he had given the traitor FN-2187 back on the Supremacy. Before that … he couldn’t recall. It had been years.

It didn’t matter of course. These … things were only a distraction.

She checked her newly splinted arm and gave him a strange look. She was probably creeped out.

He thought about the best course of action and put his blaster back into its holster. In close quarters, the blade was better suited for making sure that she didn’t attack him. He made sure that she saw that he took the dagger into his left hand.

Without further ado she took the piece of cloth and dripped it into the hot water. When she leaned closer to clean the cut on his temple he gripped the dagger so hard that his knuckles turned white. He felt uncomfortable letting anyone touch him; he had to force himself not to flinch. Her touches were gentle and she was very careful around his injury.

He froze when she carelessly brushed a strand of his hair out of his face. Why would she do that? It faintly reminded him of someone … but he couldn’t remember who. It was such an intimate gesture … he gritted his teeth. How dared she? He wanted to slap her hand away, force this strange feeling away. For a moment he wished she would be rougher … rough he could handl-

“Got a bandage?” she asked and he blinked.

He grabbed the med kit that lay next to him and handed it to her; she put a plaster on his head.

He gulped. “Check my chest, too, I can’t get a good look at it.” He pressed his lips together and braced himself for her touch. He opened his jacket with his right hand. He only pulled down the underlying shirt a little bit so that she couldn’t see his bare chest. There was no need to add to his humiliation.

“It’s inflamed,” she said without batting an eye.

“There should be a disinfectant in the med kit,” he said and almost averted his eyes.

She rummaged through the kit and sighed. “Nothing, just bandages, a few bandages and some pills.”

He checked for himself and scoffed. “My luck of course.” If he ever returned to the Order he would find the soldier responsible for the maintenance of the shuttle and demote them and assign them to sanitation for the rest of their natural life.

The rebel shrugged. “Well, I’ll just clean it as good as possible and put a plaster on it.”

Hux narrowed his eyes. Why was she so considerate? What was her play? Did she hope that he would let his guard down? He anxiously waited for her to finish her task. He tried his best to ignore the warm feeling her hands left on his skin.

“Back off,” he said, still holding his dagger firmly.

He still waited for her mockery, for a jeer about his scrawny chest, but instead she just got up. “You don’t have to tell me twice.” She pulled another last ration bar out of her pocket and took a bite while she shuffled back to her place.

Hux stared at her – how many ration bars had she left? Should he ask- no order her to give him one? The thought alone embarrassed him. He was supposed to be above such petty needs. As he watched her slowly chewing he realised that he hadn’t checked his hip. Damn it! He wasn’t keen in exposing himself further but he couldn’t leave it either.

Perhaps she was distracted and wouldn’t notice? He quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled his trousers down. He was relieved to see that there was only a large bruise and a graze on his hip. From the corner of his eye he saw that she was casually looking at him.

He felt heat creep up his cheeks. “Mind your own damn business!”

She rolled her eyes again and stared into the water of the river.

 

 

As they slowly walked along the swath of destruction, Hux had to rest a couple of times. He felt hot and sick. His chest injury burned; the rebel had said that it was infected ...

It didn’t help that he was wearing the backpack. He could feel sweat running down his spine, wetting the back of his uniform.

“Stop,” he said loudly and sat down on a fallen tree.

She stopped and sighed. It seemed that her ankle was healing quicker than his hip; she didn’t even look tired. She was clearly impatient to get going. He narrowed his eyes. Was she leading him into a trap? No, that seemed impossible, she hadn’t had the time to set a trap.

He took a gulp of water and found it hard to focus. They had to keep going, it didn’t matter how he was feeling. He was not weak. Should he force her to carry the backpack? No, he couldn’t risk it – if she got away his supplies would be lost.

“Go on,” he said and slowly got up on his feet.

 

 

The first wing was wrapped around a gigantic fir, it seemed that the remaining fuel had caught fire and torched everything around it. They still looked for the fuel injectors and the chips.

“I think I found them,” said the woman and held up a large piece of molten alloy.

“Not exactly in mint condition,” he retorted. “Who would’ve thought.”

For a moment he thought that he saw her lips twitch. Then she threw the burnt chips away and rubbed her hand on her already dirty overall. “Perhaps we’ll be lucky and find the other one intact.”

Her cheery attitude irritated him. Who was this woman? For a moment he was tempted to ask about her rank but then he pulled himself together. She was the enemy, that was all he needed to know.

She turned and went back to the swath of destruction, without waiting for him to order her. For a moment he thought about calling her back to establish his authority over her but in the end he didn’t. She hadn’t shown any respect whatsoever. It wouldn’t change just because he yelled at her. That much he knew. But how else was he supposed to deal with her?


	5. The Clearing

After a while, they stood at the edge of a large clearing. It was covered in waist-high grass and a few low bushes. He assumed that here had been a forest fire quite some time ago. They continued to follow the path of destruction, and just when they were halfway across the clearing they heard soft snorts to their left.

Hux spun around and saw large green animals about a hundred metres away. They both let themselves fall on the ground, he jerked his head around when he heard her groan. She was holding her broken arm. They stayed hidden for a few moments, but the soft snorts just continued.

She slowly lifted her head to see above the grass, he observed her, holding the blaster trained at her.

“Nerfs. I guess they’re herbivores,” she whispered.

“Nerfs?” Hux asked disbelievingly and lifted his head above the high grass. She was right, they looked a little like Arkanian nerfs.

“What? Have you never seen a nerf?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Did she really think that he didn’t know what a nerf looked like? Did she take him for a moron?

It occurred to Hux how ignoble it was to be kneeling in the dirt because of some stupid herbivores and he slowly got up. He straightened his uniform and tried to arrange his face into his usual dignified calm expression. His hip and his wounds burned, his head hurt and he still felt sick and miserable, but there was no need to show her that.

The nerfs eyed them with mild disinterest and calmly continued to eat the grass. Hux tried to keep an eye on them as well as on the woman in front of him. He was hot and could feel himself becoming light-headed; as soon as they had reached the tree-line he sat down.

“We’ll rest here,” he said in a quieter voice than he had intended.

He didn’t miss the scrutinising glance she gave him. He was under no illusion that she had caught on that he wasn’t doing well, all the countless pauses … and she had seen the infection on his chest. Soon she would try to kill him.

He watched her as she sat down not far from him and started to play with blades of grass. So this was his killer? A short woman with curly hair in dirty overalls? He wanted to laugh – of course he would die like that.

No heated battle against a worthy adversary. He wouldn’t go down in a blaze of glory like Vice-Admiral Holdo. No, his death would be meaningless. He would be forgotten. His father had been right, he was nothing … for a moment he remembered a bright red flash, could almost feel the heat on his face, hear the rumbling of Starkiller base beneath him. He remembered the goose bumps it had given him …

He pushed the memory away. No, he could still make it. All he had to do is pull himself together – focus!

With trembling hands he unscrewed the canteen and drank. She was watching him of course. Plotting the death of the mass murderer before her.

It didn’t matter what she was planning, he had to get back to the Order. Who knows what Ren had done in his absence? Yes, he had to get back come what may! The Order was his life, the only thing that mattered. The only thing he had.

The rebel pulled something out that had hung around her neck: It was a silver-white medallion. Hux noticed that he hadn’t even raised his blaster – he had just watched. His arms felt heavy, if he only could take a nap.

“I need to go … somewhere,” she said.

He sat up a little straighter. “What?”

She gave him an awkward smile. “I need to pee. I’ll just go over there.”

Hux’ mind worked frantically, but before he could find the right words she had vanished behind a bush. For a moment he considered of going after her, but the whole situation was so absurd that he couldn’t bring himself to get up.

He blushed when she returned and sat down across from him as if nothing had happened.

 

 

They finally found the wing or rather the tree where it was stuck. Hux craned his neck, but he couldn’t see the wing properly – at least the tree wasn’t burnt.

It turned out that looking up hadn’t been a good idea -- he nearly stumbled. He felt more light-headed than before and had to lean against a tree. He was thirsty but he couldn’t muster the strength to pull the canteen from the backpack.

The woman said something, but he heard her words muffled like there was something covering his ears.

“W-we’ll rest here for a couple of minutes,” he said. His own voice sounded strange. He had- had to focus.

“Okay. You look like shit, you know that right?”

He made an effort to snap at her: “Shut up!”

Hux felt how his strength drained away, how he could barely keep standing. Truly pathetic … weak, thin as a paper slip. No, somebody had poisoned him … it was the infection … his thoughts became hard to track and he barely noticed that he was sliding down on the ground. Finally darkness surrounded him.


	6. The Truce

Hux was back on Starkiller base. He knew he was looking for something but couldn’t remember what. Ren, yes he had to find Ren – Supreme Leader Snoke had decreed it.

Suddenly he was in a snow-covered forest. Thick snowflakes made it difficult to see further than a few metres. Hux marched through the snow as it crunched under his boots. Soon he tired, and his legs became heavy. Finally he reached the clearing with the nerfs, where Ren stood in the middle of their carcasses – in a fit of rage he had killed them all. Blood was running down his face and he laughed.

“Ren! Ren!” he called. “We need to go!”

But Ren just continued laughing.

Suddenly Hux was on the bridge of the _Supremacy_ , yes here he was in command. Lieutenant Mitaka appeared and snapped at attention. “Sir!”

Hux was impressed, so the shy man had finally overcome his father? Good. It was the only way.

“We’ve finally destroyed Arkanis, sir,” reported Mitaka.

Arkanis? That wasn’t supposed to be destroyed thought Hux, or was it?

He was still musing about Arkanis when he felt something warm on his cheeks. For a moment he thought he could feel a calloused hand on his jaw and wanted to take a step back. But then he slowly realised that it had only been a dream.

His throat was parched and his head still felt heavy. He blinked a few times and the first thing he saw was the rebel woman who was leaning over him.

“What-” he mumbled in a coarse voice.

“You need to drink something.”

Suddenly he was holding the canteen in his hand, and propping himself up to take a drink. His throat hurt a little. The fog in his mind cleared a little and he cautiously reached up to his collar bone to check on the inflammation. He hissed in pain as soon as his fingertips reached the bandage. Well, that hadn’t been his brightest idea.

He still felt dizzy, but he had to focus. He had to keep his prisoner in check. His arm felt heavy but he reached down to get his blaster – only to discover that the holster was empty.

The shock cleared his mind and suddenly he was hyper-alert. He jerked his head up and glared at her. Kriff! He had lost consciousness and she had taken advantage of that! He couldn’t suppress a chill of fear, now she would have her revenge. He was so angry that he wanted to yell, to rage against his unavoidable fate.

“Yeah, I got your blaster – and your knife, too. I figured you wouldn’t need them while being passed out,” she stated with a matter-of-fact tone.

He clenched his hands into fists, shaking with anger. “Gloat all you like, rebel scum! Get on with it and kill me already!” He was afraid, afraid that his death would be even more pathetic-

“Shut it, do you really think I would go through all this trouble to build this silly shelter if I wanted to shoot you first thing in the morning?”

That gave him pause. His quickened heartbeat slowed a little when he noticed the branches piled up around him. She- she had built this? How long had he been out?

He licked his lips and sat up straighter. Focus, he had to focus. “You need me.”

She scoffed. “Well, I didn’t stick around because you’re good company.”

He eyed her. So she was in control now, but she wasn’t a good shot. He just had to wait for the right opportunity. The blaster lay next to her on the ground. She hadn’t even trained it at him. Amateur. It was only a matter of time until she made a mistake.

He flinched a little when she reached into her pocket, but she produced a left-over ration bar and threw it to him. He picked it up and pulled the wrapper back. Whatever happened next – he had to preserve his strength. He took a bite.

“I found a runlet not far from here,” the rebel said. “We don’t have to walk all the way back to get fresh water. But I wasn’t as lucky with food.”

He frowned a little. Why was she so friendly with him? She was in control now, there was no need to pretend.

She showed him a handful of red berries. They looked a little like lansmaa berries.

So she would force him to be her food taster? Smart. “They could be poisonous,” he said.

“I know, I ate one yesterday and so far I feel fine.” She popped three berries in her mouth. “Let’s see how I’m doing in a couple of hours.”

He looked at her wide-eyed. Why on earth hadn’t she simply forced him to eat them? She had the blaster after all.

“What? Got a better idea to check whether we can eat this stuff?”

It seemed she hadn’t even thought of using him as a Guinea pig. Again he wondered who this woman was and why she wouldn’t do the most obvious things.

She ran her hand through her hair and cleared her throat. “You still have a fever – I guess it’s going to take another day before you can even think about climbing that tree.”

“Climb a tree?” asked Hux lamely. The second that the words had left his mouth he regretted them.

“Don’t you remember? The fuel injector chips are in the wing up in the tree. One of us has to climb up there to get them,” she said calmly.

He was embarrassed by his stupid question and the prospect of make a fool out of himself by climbing said tree. “W-why don’t you do it?”

She scoffed. “With a broken arm? Don’t be stupid. You have to go or we’ll rot on this planet.”

Kriff! His mind was clearly not working properly. Weak, useless. “Physical training wasn’t- is not exactly my forte.”

One of her eyebrows rose. “Welcome to the club.”

He was puzzled. What did she mean by that? He decided to eat first and try to get his brain working again before he embarrassed himself again.

After a while she spoke again: “I changed your bandages and cleaned your wounds. It’s only fair that you help me too.” She gestured towards the splint, it was covered in dirty – she had obviously been busy while he- while he had been useless.

He froze when she reached for the blaster; she was very close – perhaps he could wrestle the gun from-

She spun the gun in her hand until the handle pointed towards Hux. He quickly took hold of it and almost ripped it out of her hands. He checked it immediately and couldn’t help but stare at her slack-jawed.

She continued speaking as if she hadn’t just handed her enemy a deadly weapon. “I’m not a good shooter. But I’ll keep the knife – it could be handy when I’m scouring the area to find food. How are you- do you still have a fever?”

Feeling the weight of his blaster in his hand was supposed to give him an air of superiority. But it didn’t. She was not only not afraid of him, but she didn’t even see him as a threat. He exhaled, why, why didn’t she … it didn’t matter.

He put his left hand on his forehead, he was still glowing. That explained his confusion earlier. “I think so.”

Now that he had calmed down a bit he realised that the woman in front of him had done the only sensible thing possible. Whoever had the blaster couldn’t guard the other all the time; they had to work together to get off the planet. Her arm was broken so she needed his help, just as he needed hers to fix the comm.

Nonetheless he would’ve never had the boldness to simply hand the enemy a weapon …

“Do you want to rest while I go scouting?” she asked.

Did she think he was feeble? He couldn’t allow that! “No! No, I’m fine.”

The sceptical look she gave him told him that she didn’t believe a word he had said. But in the end she shrugged. “Okay, then you can focus on climbing the tree. The faster we get the chips the faster we can call for help.”

Damn that was not what he had intended. He was in no shape to climb anywhere. Then his sight fell on her outstretched arm. He swallowed his pride, put his blaster away and scooted closer to her. He opened the knots in the rag to remove the splint. Again, he was surprised how warm and soft her skin felt.

She took the dirty rag out of his hands and crawled outside the shelter. He closed his eyes for a moment. Without a doubt, he had slept quite some time but he still felt exhausted. He checked his chronometer: It had been almost twelve hours.

He reached up to his head and felt the plaster. She had said that she had changed the bandages, and the thought of her touching him without his consent made him uneasy. It was silly. He knew of course that it was the right thing to do. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much … then he realised that she had probably opened his jacket to clean his wound and he felt heat crawl up his cheeks.

She must’ve had quite a good laugh. The infamous General Hux – a skinny weakling. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. Well, there was nothing he could do now. He had to focus … yes, there was no need to try to make a show of his superiority. It wasn’t important anyway.

Either the First Order found them and her opinions and insights would be inconsequential or the Resistance would take him captive and they would make a spectacle of him.

He drank more water before he crawled out of the shelter to see what the rebel was up to. He saw that she had washed the rag and had hung it on a branch. She was circling the tree where the wing had crashed.

Hux straightened his uniform and joined her under the tree. He realised that he could reach the first branch without help, but to get further up he needed tools.

Strands of hair fell into his face and he impatiently tried to slick them back. “We need rope,” he said.

She nodded. “Perhaps I could make climb spurs from the debris, or a hook.”

He clasped his hands behind his back and tried to think of a way to actually climb up. When he looked back at her he felt again dizzy. She had been right of course, he needed to rest. Otherwise he could break his neck trying to get up there.

He cleared his throat. “First we need to find something edible.”

She didn’t answer. Instead she went to the rag hanging from the branch and felt it up. Then she turned to face him. “We could gather more berries and check dead wood for larvae – if they’re not poisonous we could roast them over the fire. Good for proteins.”

He was stunned. Was there something this woman didn’t know and wouldn’t do? “Larvae?” he asked disbelievingly. “Really?”

Up until now she had been somewhat friendly and calm, but now her face screwed up in anger. “Not everybody is born with a silver spoon in their mouth,” she hotly replied. “And after the First Order had raided-“ she interrupted herself and stared at him with unveiled anger.

Her fury surprised him. But finally he learned something about her. “I see, you’re from some forgotten Outer Rim colony aren’t you?” he said. How curious. “And when we seized your planet you ran away – joined some ragtag resistance instead of-“

She took a few steps until she stood right in front of him and pointed her finger at him. “You are so smart, aren’t you? You have me figured out, catalogued me, put me in a neat drawer, filed me away. And now you think you can run some petty power play with me so that you feel great about yourself. You’re nothing more than a bully, an empty uniform who thrives on the misery of others.”

He frowned. He was used to slurs but this? Being accused of being a bully when- he gritted his teeth. “I’m not-“

She interrupted him again: “I’m not interested in discussing politics with a mass murderer. I’ll go look for larvae, you can go – elsewhere.”

She briskly walked over to the rag, ripped it from the branch and pushed it into his hands. “Do your damn job and leave me in peace.”

All he could do was stare at her in awe. Where did she take this strength from? He wanted to retort but nothing came to mind. So he just did as he was told and fixed her splint.

After he had finished she strode to a plant with large leaves took one of them and folded it into a large cone before heading into the forest.

Only after she had vanished from his sight did he realise that he still didn’t know where she had found the berries. He called haltingly after her but she ignored him.

Well, he would show her! If she built a shelter, found berries and a water source in less than 12 hours he could too! Agitated, he started to limp in the direction of the clearing – he would head back to the first wing and check for parts.

 

 

It took him longer than he had thought to return to the wing because he had to rest a couple of times on his way, much to his chagrin. He gathered some small metal plates, dark fabric from the isolation material and wiring and put them into his uniform pockets.

He made a detour into the forest and found a plant that looked like a tea plant. He ignored it, because he had to focus on the important tasks. He roamed through bushes and checked a couple of tree for fruits but all he could find were fir trees with pinecone-like things on them.

At least he found a couple of stones for building a proper fireplace. On his way back he finally found a bush with the same red berries the rebel had gathered. But there weren’t many left.

The pain in his chest started to burn more and he grimaced. Perhaps he should’ve rested instead of wandering around for hours without having to show anything for it …

He limped back into the camp and arranged the stones around the fireplace. Then he sat down for a moment to catch his breath before he started to empty his pockets.

Only minutes later the rebel returned, holding her right arm pressed against her chest, something long clenched between her shoulder and her arm. At first he thought it was a rope but then he realised that it was the gutted meat of a reptile.

The cone in her other hand was full of larva, and on top of that she was carrying a large piece of alloy. The fierce look on her face made her look like a warrior. By the stars! Was there anything this woman couldn’t do? He asked himself again.

She put everything down and started to bend the plate. Hux thought about offering her his help but he didn’t dare to offer it – she would turn it down, sneer at him and after her display of survival prowess he didn’t want to lose his last bit of dignity.

After she finished bending their new pot she strode over to the fireplace and rearranged the stones until the pot fit on it. Hux couldn’t avert his gaze: Watching her work without complaining, efficiently and calmly mesmerized him.

Of course he had realised some time ago that she was pretty, but it was only one of many things he noted about her. But watching her now … she was absolutely striking.

No, he wasn’t supposed to notice that. It was irrelevant. Why couldn’t he focus? But she was so capable … was it possible that she was only a mechanic? Somebody who cut such an impressive figure and with such amazing skills had to be something more.


	7. The Rank

Hux nodded off for a moment and when he woke up he saw that she reached into the pot and took a bite of the larvae she had roasted. He grimaced a little and watched her eat the whole thing without batting an eye.

He was hungry of course, but the prospect of eating these … things wasn’t appealing at all. He grimaced a little. Well, it didn’t matter – they had to eat something. He sat down next to her and slowly reached into the pot. He cautiously took a little bite; strangely enough the taste reminded him of bland oatmeal.

He inhaled and ate the whole larva and swallowed it quickly. After a few bites he had gotten used to the taste and his thoughts returned to … her.

From the corner of his eye he observed her. Rebel, rank unknown, app. 25, skilled survivalist, poor shot.

After they had finished the larvae she filled the pot with water and boiled it before cutting the reptile meat into little pieces. She added the meat and used a thin twig to stir in the pot. After a couple of minutes she impaled a piece of meat and took a bite.

She looked at him and said: “It could use Shiso Leaf, but at least it has a little more taste than the larvae.”

He used the sleeves of his uniform as a heat absorber and lifted the hot pot from the fire and put it next to the fireplace. “I’m not familiar with Shiso Leaf,” he admitted.

She took two twigs that were lying next to the fireplace and used his dagger to sharpen them. Seeing his precious dagger used for such a mundane task irritated Hux but he didn’t say anything.

“It has a musky, earthy taste and goes well with soups and fresh rolls,” she explained. She handed him a twig and used hers to fish the pieces of meat out of the hot water.

Again he took a small bite first; after the larva it tasted quite good actually. He felt himself relax, it felt good to eat something that passed as real food. The sun was already setting, Hux felt the last rays on his face as he busied himself in finding another chunk.

“How old are you?”

He froze and slowly looked up. She stared at him with an unreadable expression on her face. What in the blazes was she going on about? “Why do you care?” he cautiously asked.

Obviously it wasn’t the answer she had hoped for, she scoffed and pulled the dagger out of her pockets. She started to whittle a twig.

He observed her for a moment, even with a broken arm her movements were elegant and sure. She was indeed very skilled. Why had she asked? Perhaps … she tried to assess him as he assessed her?

He impaled a piece of meat and ate it slowly. Perhaps he could learn more about her, who she was … “I’m 34,” he finally said.

She put the twig down. “I’ve never heard of a general that young.”

Ah, so she’s curious about his career? That was something he could talk about! Then he saw a movement in the corner of her lips and her lifted eyebrow. He knew it. She was only mocking him. At first he felt angry but his anger tickled away. It didn’t matter.

“It’s not uncommon in the First Order,” he just said and put the rest of the meat in his mouth. He swallowed and decided to gather more information nonetheless. “How old are you?”

“26.”

Hux waited for a moment, insecure if he should ask further. Well, he had to assess her properly … “And what’s your name?”

“Rose Tico,” she said.

Why wasn’t she telling him her rank? Was there a reason for withholding this information? He would get to the bottom of it! “What’s your rank?”

She continued whittling the twig. “I’m a specialist.” She finished her task, and held the twig up. He realised that she had made a fork. Then she turned her attention to him. “Why are you interested in my rank?”

He stared at her incredulously. “I wanted to know how to address you correctly, Specialist Tico.”

“Why is that important? I mean we’re at the arse end of nowhere.”

Was she tooling with him? “So that I know how to talk to you of course – how to address you.” Now he knew her rank, but she still puzzled him – what a strange woman. Well, at least he now knew that she wasn’t an officer. That should make things easier, he should clearly take command. “We should stock up our food supply and one of us should return to the shuttles to salvage-“

“-cables, yeah I thought so, too,” she interjected.

“Don’t interrupt me, _specialist_!” he flabbergasted retorted.

Then she laughed. Hux felt himself turn red.

“You’re pulling rank on me? Really?” she asked.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that you wouldn’t know common decency. No respect and no order whatsoever!”

She just laughed again and took a twig to whittle another fork. “Yeah, yeah we’re real animals, you tell me, Hux.”

He wanted to yell at her, order her to respect him! He outranked her! His irritation grew when wisps of hair fell in his face, with an angry gestured he tried to slick them back. It was in vain, he felt silly and uncomfortable.

Before he could stop himself he got up and tramped out of the camp into the forest. He walked for a bit, then he leaned against a tree. Of all the fractious and vexing people in the galaxy … no, she was not the problem! He was! He didn’t command the respect … he just had to do something to show her that he …

Suddenly he remembered Captain Narye. She had been an ace pilot, back when Hux had gotten his first assignment after the academy. His father had taken him on a tour through his ship, showed him his troops.

Of course Brendol Hux did it for a reason. When they arrived at the hangar he pointed out Narye – a beautiful, proud woman. She wasn’t afraid of his father: She knew that she was a valuable and skilled pilot. She bowed before him as protocol dictated, but her gaze – her gaze was something else entirely.

Brendol noticed of course, he always did.

Later that evening he called his son into a conference room for the sole purpose to show him Captain Narye, who was holding her bruised and broken hands while sobbing on the floor.

Brendol was a large man, with large meaty hands with calluses. He grabbed him by his neck with an iron grip.

“Sometimes you have to clip their wings, Armitage,” he said in his deep voice that always seemed to resonate through the whole room.

Narye never flew again. She could have had her broken tendons and fingers replaced by artificial limbs but his father took care that she never received the appropriate treatment. He saw her sometimes after the incident. Gone was her pride. All that was left was a woman with shattered dreams.

His father would’ve known how to handle specialist Tico.

Hux straightened himself and a shiver ran down his spine. He felt uneasy. He didn’t like physical violence. He had tried it of course. But there was something about it that made him anxious. It also left a bitter ashen aftertaste in his mouth. And- and it was ineffective. Yes, that was it, it wasn’t effective.

Hux exhaled and slowly got up.

 

 

When he returned to camp he forced himself not to look at her and was about to settle down in the shelter.

Tico’s voice rang out: “Don’t you want me to take a look at your cuts?”

He glanced at her. Of course it would be sensible to check on the inflammation.

He licked his lips and approached her, after a moment of hesitation he sat down next to her. She leaned forward and palmed the cut on his head.

He clenched his hands, it was strange to let her touch him. We waited for her to whisper insults, to suddenly slap him. But she just kept cleaning his wounds with care. He relaxed and couldn’t help but notice that she looked pretty in the warm light of the fire. She seemed completely at ease, didn’t seem to care who she was treating.

She sat back and obviously waited for him to show her his chest. He only opened the topmost buttons.

She brushed his shirt away, and he almost flinched when he felt her hand on his naked skin. She was very close and he looked in her dark-brown eyes. They seemed so kind … wait! What in the galaxy was he thinking? There was no such thing as kindness.

“It’s still red and swollen. I can clean it tomorrow. We still have enough water, right?” she said and looked directly at him. There was no malice in her gaze, no disgust.

He felt how his heart quickened. A warm feeling spread out in his chest. It felt nice – somebody looking at him like that. Not angry or with an underlying contempt.

He realised that he was staring at her like a fool. He cleared his throat and started to close his jacket. “Do you want me to check your splint?”

She shook her head. “Perhaps tomorrow. It came loose last night.”

He felt slightly disappointed. Suddenly he remembered that he was supposed to strike fear … respect into her heart. Instead he wanted to talk to her. He had no idea what about, he just wanted- what? He didn’t know what he wanted.

He got up and went into the shelter. He lay down put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. It wasn’t like him not to have a plan, not to know what he wanted. Everything was usually clear: who was trying to conspire against him, who he had to kill in order to archive his goals.

Hux had worked hard to become the man he was – expunged his weaknesses, learned to hide the ones he couldn’t get rid of. Played the role he was supposed to play: dutiful son, competent officer, ruthless general.

Which role was he supposed to play here?

 

 

The sound of rustling clothes woke him up in the morning, just as Tico was about to leave the shelter.

“Where are you going?” he mumbled. Stars! Why was he still feeling exhausted?

“Just stepping out for a moment,” she replied and exited.

He closed his eyes again and groaned. There was no way he would sleep longer than necessary. He slowly got up and joined her outside. The fresh air did wake him a little.

“We should find food,” she said as she popped a red berry in her mouth.

He crossed his arms. “It’s paramount that we repair the comm.”

“If we die from starvation a fixed comm won’t help us.”

“At least we could call for help if one of us is dying from poisonous fruits or a potentially deadly snake soup.”

“All right, we can check the shuttles for ropes and stuff and go find food afterwards.”

Hux blinked in surprise. He had actually won the argument. Perhaps it didn’t matter which role he played? At least not here.

 

 

The familiar sweet smell of decay and rot greeted them when they approached Tico’s shuttle. Insects were buzzing around and Hux had to shoo some of them away when he entered the cockpit. He glanced only briefly at the pilot – the weather and the local wildlife had gotten to him. It wasn’t a pretty sight but Hux had seen worse.

He started shifting through the compartments and noticed after a few moments that Tico was nowhere to be seen. He frowned and returned to the airlock; she was still standing outside.

“Do you intend to let me do all the work?”

She looked pale, a film of sweat was visible on her brow. Yet she set her lips in a thin line and stepped inside, but just as quickly as she had entered she exited – just in time to vomit.

Hux had followed her, unsure what to do – had she eaten something bad?

She wiped over her mouth and turned to face him. “I can’t. I should’ve buried him.” She averted her gaze.

He frowned and crossed his arms. “I’m not surprised that your training didn’t cover basic desensitisation.”

“What are you talking about?”

Hux stared at her disbelievingly. “You mean to tell me that you don’t have desensitisation training in the resistance at all?”

She just shook her head. She still looked quite pale. Hux decided to let her catch her breath and returned to the cockpit on his own.

 

 

They didn’t talk about the excursion to the other shuttle, but the look on her face told Hux everything he needed to know: She wouldn’t join him when he rummaged through his shuttle.

He found some especially long cables and metal pieces they could potentially use to climb the tree.

After a while he started to feel sick as well, and his head started to hurt again. He reached up and felt his forehead – he was still glowing.

They had found enough materials, so he decided to look for Tico near the shuttle. He found her pretty quickly – she had stayed close by.

“Head back?” she asked and he only nodded.

When they finally reached their camp Hux wanted to lay down and take a nap, but he forced himself to accompany her back to the clearing with the nerfs. They were gone, judging from the trails they had headed further back into the forest.

“We should follow them,” said Hux.

“Why?”

He exhaled. “So that we see where they went.”

“Yeah, but what’s the point?”

“Do you have to question everything?” he asked in a low voice.

She rolled her eyes. “By the stars! Let’s go already if it shuts you up.”


	8. The Rain

He quickly regretted his insistence to follow the nerf. His hip started to hurt again and his head-ache was getting worse. He had to take breaks and sit down while Tico made efficient use of her time and collected larvae from dead wood.

He watched her as she used the dagger to dig into the stumps. She had made a cone out of a big leaf and held it pressed against her body with her broken arm. She was indeed tenacious.

When she returned to him she said: “You can go back to the camp if you want. I can go on alone.”

Oh, he wanted to. But that was of course out of the question … he had to stay strong. “I’m fine.”

She stalked over and pressed her hand against his head -- he was completely taken aback about the sudden contact.

“You still have fever, you should take it easy.” She pulled her hand back.

It almost sounded as if she cared about him, he thought. He scoffed – why in the galaxy should she care about him?

“Don’t be ridiculous, specialist. I’m not some weak-willed cadet who can’t handle a little adversity,” he said a little sharper than he intended.

“Suit yourself, though, man.”

Though … man? Yes, an accomplished soldier like herself saw of course that he was only pretending to be strong. He gritted his teeth but didn’t say anything.

 

 

Hux was holding the cone with the larvae as they continued their way. She had taken point and cut a path through the high grass and the bushes. His gaze was fixed on her back, and from time to time he saw her profile. Specialist Tico, 26, skilled survivalist, tenacious soldier, poor shot … and pretty.

No, that was completely irrelevant. And still he noticed it from time to time. He glanced at her saw how she brushed her hair back, before he could stop himself he wondered how her hair would feel like. Perhaps- perhaps he was just- it had been a while since he had intercourse. Yes, that was it. That was all. Of course it was.

After a while the silence began to bother him. He tried to think of a topic of conversation. Finally he decided to ask her about the reptile.

“Where did you find the snake?”

She glanced over her shoulder. “Under a log. I was lucky though. It was about to bite me but I somehow managed to cut its head off first. It tasted good, didn’t it? Almost worth dying an agonizing slow death.”

What a woman! “Ah, I suppose you received high marks in survival class?”

She stopped at a bush and checked its dark blue berries. “Survival class? What’s that supposed to be?”

He frowned. “Didn’t you go to school?”

She the berries in one of her pockets then she turned to face him. “Of course I went so school! I mean we were poor as dirt but all the children in the colony got an education.” She sounded indignant. “Wait … There were survival classes at your school?”

“Of course.”

“Isn’t that stuff for the military academy?” She gave him a small smile. He tried his best not to blush. It didn’t mean anything of course, it was just hot and he had a fever.

“What’s the difference?”

“Huh, you were with the First Order from the start. No wonder …” She continued to follow the track. “How old were you when you first attended these survival classes?”

Hux gulped. Long supressed memories of his childhood resurfaced; his hackles rose when he remembered the weight of his father’s hands on his shoulders. “I was 6.”

She scoffed. “You guys are insane, sending children that young into survival classes!” Then quieter: “Why am I even surprised …”

“Usually the survival classes start when the cadets are 8 years old, but my father wanted to give me a head start so he ordered them to take me on earlier.”

She blinked in surprise. “Wait – you’ve been taking survival classes since you were 6 years old; why the kriff are you so useless out here? Shouldn’t you be able to build a star destroyer out of a leaf and a twig by now?”

A feeling of disappointment washed over him. It actually hurt hearing her say that he was useless. But of course she was right – a woman like her would recognize him for what he was. He didn’t want to discuss it, so he roughly brushed past her.

He could hear her following him.

“Well?”

“Because I’m weak,” he whispered.

“What?”

He stopped and spun on his heel to face her. “Because I was rubbish at it!” he yelled. “Because I-“ he stopped himself before he made a complete fool of himself. He took a deep breath. “It was a long time ago on a different planet.”

She didn’t reply. Hux was relieved and anxious at the same time. On one hand he wanted to do something, anything to show her that he wasn’t … that he could be strong. On the other hand he feared her laughter, her mockery that would accompany his failure, his inability.

There was indeed no role to play for him. She saw though everything, he could might as well stop trying and just … do what was the most sensible.

 

 

When they finally found the nerfs, he calmed down. They were standing in another small clearing and were eating grass. Some of them looked at Tico and him but they didn’t move.

She pulled the dark berries out of her pocket and threw them in front of a nerf. It sniffed briefly before turning its head away.

Hux had to admire her ingenuity – again.

“I guess we better not eat those.” She gave him again a half-smile.

He shifted his weight from one leg to another. “Are there other berries they’re eating?”

“Not as far as I see, but we can keep an eye on them while looking for the red berries,” she said.

 

 

Hours later they returned to camp. They were both tired and Hux had never so badly wished for a soft bed.

“Well, I’m done for tonight!” Tico sat down and closed her eyes for a moment.

Hux straightened himself. If he wanted her to see him in a more favourable light – as a professional – he had to make an effort. He started to gather fire wood and piled it up; moments later the flames started to engulf the wood. He put the lighter away and lifted the pot on the fireplace.

He took the cone and dumped the larvae into the pot. With a twig he stirred the larvae and tried his best to roast them all-over. After a few minutes he stole a look at her to see if she was watching him – only to discover that she had fallen asleep.

He sighed and continued to stir.

A couple of minutes later he softly nudged her to wake her. She jerked her head up and relaxed afterwards. She stretched until her joints clicked and pulled the twig-forks she had made from one pockets and handed one to him.

The casualness of the gesture was nice. It felt good but Hux wasn’t sure why. They ate silently. From time to time Hux caught himself staring at her.

 

 

Checking on her splint was nice, too. He liked the warmth from her wrist as he held her arm. She shivered under his touch, and he felt guilty as he looked up from her injury. She was certainly uncomfortable, and he made an effort to finish his task quickly.

 

 

She dunked the black fabric into the hot water and cleaned his cuts. He was almost a little disappointed when she finished treating him. It had been a long time since somebody had touched him with so much care and softness. The most perplexing thing about it was that she didn’t need to be so kind – from the start he had expected her to be rough, he wouldn’t have begrudged it. He was a Hux after all.

 

 

Hux cursed under his breath when he woke up and realised that it was already broad daylight. He was even more annoyed when he crawled out of the shelter only to discover that it was already late afternoon.

Specialist Tico had obviously been busy: She had braided the thin cables into a rope and was working on some metal pieces. From what he could tell she was making some kind of hook.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

He felt tired and sick. “Better.” His voice was coarse.

The canteen lay next to her, so he limped towards her and let himself fall on the ground. When he picked it up he felt that it was heavy – so she had refilled it. While he had slept she had done all the work … he screwed the lid open and took a big gulp.

She put her hand on his forehead and he was so startled that he almost spit the water out. “You are still hot. Take it easy, will you?”

He stared at her. She looked striking in the evening light. This wasn’t right; he wasn’t supposed to notice her that way. Even if it was only because he was, well ruttish. She- she was the enemy … and she was too good-

“If you’re feeling sick at least get out of camp before you puke.”

So he looked as sick as he felt. He ran his hand through his hair to slick it back. He had to pull himself together. “I’m not sick.”

She exhaled. “Okay, then let me have a look at the wound on your chest.”

His heart leaped a little at her words. He noticed that he was a little too eager to unbutton his shirt, a little too relaxed when she palmed his injury.

Her black, curly hair was a little mussed up and she had to tighten her pony-tail in between. He felt the impulse to reach up and wipe one of her fringes out of her face.

Hux had many failings but being completely daft wasn’t one of them: He realised that he was falling for her. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. But who could blame him? She was an excellent soldier, resourceful and tough … beautiful.

Hux hadn’t come this far in the order because he had overestimated himself. He knew exactly what his strengths and weaknesses were – and she was the exact opposite of him. And she knew it. There was no need to pretend, not with her.

He had denied himself countless pleasures on his path to power, sacrificed certain needs. Perhaps he could just this once … just this once he would allow himself to look at a woman like that. Take the little comforts of her touch that she would allow him, memorise them.

He wanted to repay her kindness and started to unwrap the rag on her splint when it was his turn. Show her that he- he didn’t know what he was hoping to accomplish.

“I thought it was fine,” she said with mild surprise in her voice.

He felt immediately guilty. Silly and inappropriate … he shouldn’t have done that. “We should check the skin underneath the- because of the dirt,” he quickly said.

He made an effort to minimise their contact and put the splint back on.

As he finished, he noticed that the light had gotten dimmer, a distant rumble announced a storm. Specialist Tico frowned and glanced their shelter – it wouldn’t provide enough cover for heavy rain.

He stood up and straightened his jacket. “I’ll get more branches.”

She nodded. “Alright, I’ll collect the largest leaves I can find.”

 

 

Hux just had finished piling the firewood inside the shelter, covering it with leaves, when he heard the first raindrops hitting the roof – or what passed as a roof – on their shelter. He sat back and looked up: Considering the limited time they had to improve it, it wasn’t half bad.

They were sitting as far apart as the space allowed. She checked their food stock.

“Well, we don’t have much left,” she said. “But it should be enough for now.”

“Usually storms don’t last long. But since we’re on an unknown planet …”

“We just have to wait.”

Hux couldn’t think of anything else to say and so they fell silent.

He checked his chronometer. It had been more than a week. He had to admit that he had expected that the Order would’ve found him by now, with or without a comm. On the other hand, they had crashed somewhere in the Ghrma system. But he knew their resources intimately. In the end it was only a matter of time … unless Ren called off the search of course.

The thought of Ren alone made him angry. Hux wondered what he had been up to – inane child! Snoke had been whimsical at times, like all Force users were, but it was nothing compared to Ren. His odd fixation with the scavenger girl had cost the Order dearly … if they had found that droid back on Jakku …

Hux clenched his hands to fists. Or when he had insisted on fighting Skywalker on Crait instead of pursuing the resistance! Incompetent troglodyte! If Ren had only listened to him!

His sight fell on Tico. Shortly before everything had started to spiral out of control she had been there, together with the traitor. He had ordered them to death … ordered her to die. Yet here she was.

Tico had escaped, of course she had. He hadn’t seen her for what she was back on the _Supremacy_. He hadn’t paid attention. He had been focused on making an example of the traitor in front of the troops. It would’ve been a waste to kill her, he knew that now.

No, no … he wasn’t thinking straight. He had to be careful that his personal interests did not interfere with the Orders priorities. Even if he allowed himself enjoying watching her.

Just before he could berate himself a large drop of water fell from the ceiling, right next to her. They both blinked in surprise and directed their gaze upwards. Slowly, very slowly another drop fell down, this time from another part of the roof.

Within minutes Tico had been hit by several drops. Her side of the shelter wasn’t holding the rain off any longer. Just when Hux was about to suggest she move to his side, she scooted over and sat right next to him.

He felt her presence next to him and gulped. They were so close that they almost touched. He tried to resume his thoughts from earlier but failed.

 

When the sun had set and the darkness started to engulf them, they both yawned.

“We should try to sleep,” she said and lay down. She brushed his legs while doing so and he was glad that the dim light covered his blushes.

“Of course,” he said in the calmest voice he could muster.

He tried to settle down too, but the last remaining dry patch was rather small and he kept bumping into her. They both turned and tossed for a bit before she exhaled.

“This isn’t going to work. Let’s deal with this like adults – turn around.”

He knew of course what her intention was and felt his heart leap up to his throat. He turned around and heard her scoot closer. They didn’t touch but he could feel her warmth on his back, her breath between his shoulder blades.

He felt warm and comfortable, he closed his eyes and tried to memorize the feeling: nice, secure and content. For a fleeting moment he imagined how it would feel if she would come closer, her breath in his neck, her hands on his hips …

He felt himself stiffen and the shame burned on his cheeks. He was disgusting, fantasising like that … like … like … the image of his father appeared before his inner eye. His arousal was dispelled immediately.

The memory stayed with him: His father sitting with him in the officers’ mess, giving him a broad grin before letting a piece of cutlery falling on the floor. The orderly, a young woman, came running as soon as the noise had died down.

“Pick it up, and bring me a new knife,” Bendol said and leaned back in the chair.

He let his eyes wander over her body and chuckled when he bent down to pick up the knife, staring brazenly on her behind.

She returned from the galley and handed him the knife. He purposely brushed her wrist with his thumb. She froze and set her lips in a thin line.

“Will that be all, sir?” she asked calmly.

“Off you go,” Bendol said and turned his attention again on him. “One of the perks of the job, son.”

Hux suddenly felt hollow as the image of his father faded. He still felt Tico behind him, but he couldn’t enjoy her warmth anymore.


	9. The Knife

He vaguely noticed that something was tickling on his lips; he slowly woke up, half-caught in a dream he couldn’t remember. Something about the _Finalizer_. His drowsiness vanished when he realised that Tico was lying in front of him, her overalls pressed against his uniform. Apparently they had turned in the night.

The appropriate thing was to scoot away of course. But then she would wake up. Yes, she- she was exhausted and needed the sleep. It was more reasonable to let her rest.

No … that wasn’t true. He just wanted to feel her beside him. He brushed her hair out of his face and closed his eyes again. It didn’t matter if he allowed himself this one respite. Nobody would know.

 

 

The next time he woke he was startled by a clap of thunder. He felt guilty when he discovered that they were still lying right next to each other. He sucked in his breath when she looked over her shoulder, staring at him. Before she should say anything he looked away, unable to meet her gaze.

She crawled to the cone with the larvae or rather what was left of them after dinner and started to build a fire near the entrance of the shelter.

After they had eaten they sat next to each other, staring at the slowing dying flames.

She stretched her one good arm and groaned. “Guess you don’t have a raincoat in there,” she said and pointed to the backpack.

He leaped at the chance of conversation and tried to give her something akin to a smile. “Don’t you think I would’ve procured it by now, specialist?”

Her eyebrow rose and she grabbed a small stone. “You’re a jerk. It’s entirely possible that you didn’t want to share it with rebel scum.” Her tone was friendly. She played with the stone and looked at him.

“Petty insults? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” he playfully responded.

She nodded towards the backpack. “But there is some jacket in it, isn’t there?”

He shrugged. “It’s my great coat – and before you ask: it’s made of wool. So it will be soaked in a matter of minutes.”

She let the stone wander over her fingers before she threw it away. “Well, this sucks. But since we’re running out of food …” She started to crawl towards the entrance. “And I’ll go alone, you need to get better so you can climb up that tree.”

“You’re in no position to-“ he tried to interject.

“I know!” Without looking back she went out.

He frowned. Had he insulted her in some way he didn’t realise? He sighed. It didn’t matter. She was right. He was still a little ill and if they wanted to fix the comm he had to get better. He scoffed when he thought of climbing up a tree. With his luck he would fall down and break his neck.

He got on his feet and tried to rearrange the branches and leaves to fix the roof, then after a while he sat down again. It was futile – at least with the materials he had.

He was tempted to go out, to look for something to build a better shelter but it was still raining.

 

 

When the rain let up after an hour he hurried out of the shelter and looked around for bigger leaves. He collected a few and when he felt the rain starting again he returned to camp. One plant on the way back caught his attention. He stopped and looked at it – its leaves looked familiar but he couldn’t remember why.

In the spur of the moment he broke a branch of the bush off and hurried inside the shelter. He used the big leaves to plug the leaky roof as well as he could. With a huff he sat down and took the branch of the bush. Upon closer inspection they looked like tea leaves.

He ripped some leaves off and ground them between his thumb and his forefinger. When he smelled the leaves he smiled a little, because they smelled like the teas he usually drank. At least there was a high probability that it was really tea. Suddenly the prospect of having a cup of tea seemed worth the risk of poisoning.

If he was cautious, he should be able to determine if it was indeed tea. He started a small fire and put the pot on it – he only added a little water, as there was no need to waste it, after all. He put one leaf into the boiling water and waited for a bit before he dunked his twig-fork into the liquid. He licked the water off the wood and tried to process the taste – if he didn’t know better, he would’ve thought it was low-quality Tarine tea.

He waited for about an hour and busied himself with a piece of alloy he had found in one of the shuttles, and with some difficulty he managed to bend it into a cup-like shape. He was satisfied with the result and smiled to himself.

As he didn’t feel sick he decided that the tea was safe. He stoked the fire again and boiled some more water and added more leaves.

Just when he was about to fill his cup with the freshly made tea, Specialist Tico entered. She was soaking wet and held a cone full of larvae and sat down, eyeing him with curiosity.

He smelled the tea, then he blew a few times on it before taking a sip – it tasted a little stronger than before. It was nothing short of delicious.

She put the cone into a dry corner and rubbed her hand on her overalls. “How does it taste?”

“Bitter,” he said and took another sip.

“Too bad that we don’t have any sweetener.”

He inhaled the scent. “I don’t mind. I actually like my tea bitter.”

“I’m more a caf kind of person. When I’m working I usually drink about seven cups.”

“I usually drink three cups of Tarine tea a day. It helps me focus.”

She held her hand over the fire and shuddered a little. “And how did you determine that these leaves are tea?”

He sat up a little straighter. “I grated them and smelled. The aroma was quite similar to teas I know.”

She hummed. “You didn’t happen to find caf plants? Ugh, I want a cup of the strongest caf so badly!”

He almost smiled. “I didn’t stray that far.”

“Well, I’ll take the next best thing,” she said and reached out with her hand.

He gave her the cup and watched how she grimaced after the first sip. She looked cute when she wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue.

He laughed. “It’s an acquired taste.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” She handed him the cup back. “You seem better.”

He took another sip. “I think my fever has finally broken.”

She leaned forward and checked his chest injury by pulling his jacket down. „Looks good, so when the rain lets up we can try to get up that tree,” she said and held out her splint.

He fastened her splint. He noticed right away that her skin lacked its usual warmth. “Your arm, it’s cold.”

She just shrugged. “Well yeah, but at least we have something to eat. But I admit my clothes feel quite clammy.” She hugged herself and rubbed over her arms, then she sighed and grabbed the backpack. After a bit of rummaging she pulled his greatcoat out.

Hux continued drinking his tea taken aback when she unzipped her overalls and started to wriggle out of the wet clothes right in front of him. She was right of course. There was nothing to it – back in the academy he had shared a few rooms with female soldiers … but here he felt uneasy and strangely guilty.

She wrapped the coat around her small frame and sat down next to the fire. He ladled another cup of tea and registered that she was glaring at him, her fingers played with a silver medallion she wore around her neck. It seemed that she looked right past him, clearly musing about something.

He eyed the jewellery. “What kind of medallion is that?”

She looked down on it, rubbing over its ornaments with her thumb. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quietly.

Hux became curious. “Was it the traitor’s gift to you?” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

“What about your customized hidden dagger? Was it a gift?” she replied hotly.

He frowned. Why was she so hostile now? “It wasn’t a gift. I bought it myself after- a special occasion.”

He waited for her to react to his statement, but she just continued to stare at the medallion. Just when he thought she didn’t hear him, she sniffled and lowered her head just enough that he couldn’t see her eyes.

Hux licked his lips and straightened himself. He hadn’t expected her to react so strongly to his question. Again he felt guilty. “I-it’s a monomolecular blade,” he stammered in an attempt to ignore her emotional outburst. “It’s not as stable as steel but much lighter and sharper. The handle is made from Arkanian oak. Wood might be a bit archaic but the grip is much better in my opinion.”

She lifted her head. Her eyes seemed wet. “It’s light, much lighter than my knife back at h-home.”

Ah, it seemed that she was feeling better already. Emboldened he continued on the topic. “I could imagine that you use your knife for work? So it- it would make sense that it would be heavier and sturdier.”

She rubbed her good hand on her trousers. “Well, it’s a multi-tool thing, with different blades. It’s easier to cut wire with it than with a wire-cutter.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Hux tried to think of something to add, but nothing came to mind. Social interactions really weren’t his strong suit, he thought bitterly.

“I guess we have run out of things to say about knives,” she said. There was mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

“Honestly I’m a bit surprised, it’s such an interesting topic,” retorted Hux dryly. He fleetingly thought of his father and his endless monologues. “My first commander could go on about blasters and knives for hours.”

She stifled a laughter, the sound gave Hux butterflies in his stomach. He- he had cheered her up!

Tico gave him a barely noticeable smile. “My dad always talked about mining equipment. The worst part was that mum was into it, too. But then it’s all they’ve ever known and cared about. Trade disease I guess. Needless to say, our table talk was a bit dull.”

Hux leaned against the tree and exhaled. “Yes, it was … dull. But my father wouldn’t stop-”

He noticed his mistake the moment the words had left his mouth – of course she caught on.

“Your father? But didn’t you just say-“

Kriff! “I misspoke. I- well, my father was my first commander,” he said quickly. Perhaps that would throw her off.

“I see – the food wasn’t that great either to be honest, my mum was a terrible cook. But now I would give my right arm to have some of her stew.”

He almost couldn’t believe that it had worked. He cleared his throat. “I liked the rations well enough.”

By the stars! Why couldn’t he just answer more casually?

She leaned forward. “You know what I would like to eat right now? Huttese noodles with bogweed! It sounds gross, but it has a zing to it.”

He wanted to add something meaningful, but again he couldn’t think of anything to say. After a few moments he just said: “Ration bars would be enough for me.”

Specialist Tico took the cone with the larvae and poured them into the pot. “Well, this is all we got.”

For a moment he thought about saying something along the line of “at least the company is good,” but even in his imagination it sounded cringeworthy. He recalled her laughter and wished he could hear it once again.


	10. The Villain

In the evening they sat around the fireplace. Hux stirred it with a twig, trying to think of a topic they could talk about. But everything that came to his mind was tainted: the planets he had been on, the people he had met … everything he had ever done was for the Order and in his capacity of being commanding general.

He registered that she checked her overalls, obviously keen on getting rid of his overcoat. And why wouldn’t she? They were enemies after all.

He watched her using his dagger to whittle ornaments from a piece of wood. She skilfully carved flower petals and what looked like vines on it. Even at that she was perfect, he thought in awe.

Finally she had finished the carving and put the wood down, he realised that he had stared at her like a moron.

“What was the special occasion?” she asked.

His blinked at her. “What?”

“When you bought the blade.”

Stupid. He shouldn’t have brought it up.

Rose rolled her eyes. “Come on, we’re stuck here and it’s boring.”

He sighed. She was right of course, it didn’t matter what he told her. “Alright, if you tell me about your medallion first.”

She chewed on her lower lip, then she said: “My sister made it. She kept one half and gave the other to me.”

“And why didn’t you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Because she’s dead,” she said calmly. “She was the pilot who destroyed your dreadnaught.”

Hux tensed up, memories of how Snoke had thrown him around like a rag doll resurfaced before his inner eye. He remembered the shame and humiliation as well.

“Your turn,” she said.

He clenched his fist. He wanted to lash out, to show her that he wasn’t some laughing stock, some … some weak-willed pushover. “I bought it after my father was killed,” he said coldly. There was no doubt in his mind that she would ask how he died, he thought grimly. Then she would see that he was cunning and strong.

“Oh … so was he killed during a battle?”

He leaned forward and said slowly: “I orchestrated his death.” Then he leaned back again and said casually: “I bought the knife to commemorate the occasion.”

It was oddly satisfying to see the look of respect on her face. Only moments later, he realised that is wasn’t respect he saw, only fear.

“You killed your own father?”

“He got what he deserved.” He had pictured that it would please him, the way she stared at him after confessing what he had done. But seeing her wrapping the large coat closer around her as if she was cold didn’t feel good, it didn’t even feel satisfying.

It didn’t matter, he had to drive the point home – show her who he really was. “It really bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“He was your father.”

He wiped across his face. “If you’d known him you would understand.” He paused. Images of Brendol brushing over the waitresses’ wrist resurfaced. “Or perhaps you do understand – I’m told I’m the spitting image of him. A cold, merciless sadist.”

The expression of disgust that crossed her features gave him a lump in his stomach.

“And here I thought you delude yourself about bringing the galaxy order and stability, but you actually admit that you’re evil.”

He tried to laugh, to shrug off the uncomfortable sensation in his guts. She had to know, he wasn’t sure why it was important the she knew … but she had to know. “Evil is a relative term is it not? But I know what I am – I blew up an entire system, killed billions. Men, women and children. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t kill me if given the chance.”

“Would it make them alive again?”

He blinked. “What?”

There was a stern expression on her face he hadn’t seen before. “Would it make them alive again? All those people?”

He stared at her wide-eyed. “Of course not!”

“Well, then what is the point of killing you? You’re just one of the many murderers in the First Order. Most of them haven’t killed billions, but they still pull the trigger, push the buttons.” She looked him straight in the eye. “A cog in the machine. I want to stop the whole damn machine not just dispatch of some of the cogs.”

“I’m not a cog! I’m the head of the military!” he hissed. He wasn’t some weak-

“And who is in charge now that you’re stuck here?” she asked.

That gave him pause. “General Nuresh is my second in command. She-“

“- is going to replace you if you don’t make it back to the Order.”

This is how she saw him? Some pitiful gnat? A cog in a machine?

“Of course she will,” he said quickly. “The First Order doesn’t have to rely on my talents alone.”

“A cog in the machine like I said.”

He grimaced. “Should I ever be put on trial I have to remember that one. Though I hardly believe that anyone would be dense enough to actually believe it.”

Rose leaned back. “I never said that you’re not guilty, I just said that I wouldn’t kill you. There is a difference. I really do hope they put you on trial for the whole galaxy to see that there is still justice.”

“Justice?” he chuckled. “You really think something like justice exists?”

“Mock me all you like, but I still believe that there is hope for justice. That’s why we’re fighting despite the odds.”

He remained silent for a moment before replying. “Idealism will only get you so far. In the end it’s a question of power pure and simple. I got where I am today because I did what I had to do, not because of” he scoffed, “hope or idealism. There will always be the powerful and the powerless, anything else is ornamentation.”

She looked at him with a frown. “If that is what you truly believe – suit yourself. I think there is more to the galaxy, much more.”

Hux watched how she picked up a new branch and started to carve ornaments in it. He ached to contradict her, tell her how naïve she was for believing that the galaxy was more than a cold place. But honestly … there was no point. He wouldn’t convince her just as much as she wouldn’t convince him.

There was a reason why she was with the resistance and he was with the Order. For all his faults he wasn’t ignorant about the ideology they both had inherited and built up during their lives. His father had thought that the rebels were dim-witted cowards who were too feeble to do what was necessary. But he knew better, that someone who believed in a cause even though it had its faults wasn’t a coward. They were brave – naïve perhaps and misguided, but brave.

Only a fool underestimated his enemies … and he had been a fool up until a single x-wing had crippled a destroyer. Hux wouldn’t repeat that mistake, that’s why he had insisted that Ren should press the attack on Crait … yes, the rebels were weakened but they were still dangerous.

He watched Tico whittle the branch. She was the best proof of the resistance’s capabilities.

 

 

When they settled for the night on the only dry patch in their shelter he could see the back of her neck. There was a spot that wasn’t covered by her pony-tail and he found himself mesmerised by it. It was quite dark in the shelter, but her skin was a stark contrast to her black hair.

For a moment he imagined how it would feel to touch her soft skin, caress her neck … embarrassed, he forced himself to think about something else. It was inappropriate and wrong.

His thoughts returned to their earlier conversation and he thought about Crait and the rebels’ struggle against the overwhelming force. After a while he fell asleep.

 

 

He was on Crait. The white salt crunched under his boots. Hux turned to look around, but he was alone. He squinted and tried to find a landmark he could identify, but there was nothing. Only the white salt desert.

After a while he started to walk in one direction, leaving blood-red footsteps in his wake. Soon he saw a simple house at the horizon. Suddenly he stood in front of it, and he recognized it: It was the house he and his father had stayed in on Jakku.

He knew that he was late for dinner, so he quickly entered and tried to brush the sand off his clothes. But a meaty hand grabbed him by the neck and forced him to look up. His father was standing in front of him, hair gelled back, broad shoulders and a smirk on his lips.

“Thought you were rid of me?” he asked in a loud voice.

“No sir,” Hux dutifully replied, shaking in fear.

“Stupid boy, I’ll teach you!”

Hux struggled to get free but his father’s fingers closed around his throat and started to choke him. Anger and panic took hold of him and he let his hidden dagger slide into his hand and started to stab the man in front of him until his face was nothing but a bloody mess.

 

 

Hux jerked up and felt his heart hammer against his chest. Then he lowered his gaze and saw that Tico was looking at him. “Are you alright?”

The question sounded so genuine that he gulped. “Of course, I- just- it’s nothing.”

“Okay,” she said quietly and turned away.

He waited for a few moments for his ragged breath to calm down and lay down again. He could feel her warmth and looked at her neck again. She probably hadn’t meant it … asking him how he was doing. She was disgusted by him, that much was clear … But what if she did care? What if she was actually interested to hear what he had to say?

“I don’t usually dream,” he said before he could stop himself.

“All humans dream, we just don’t usually remember,” she said.

He licked his lips. “I know, what I meant was- I’m not in the habit-“ he broke off.

She shifted a little “You mean to tell me that you don’t have nightmares? After all you’ve done?”

He knew that he shouldn’t respond. Shouldn’t even think about it. “I used to have nightmares. They stopped after I bought the blade.”

She glanced over her shoulder. “Your father?”

He shouldn’t. “He killed my mother and made me watch.”

“Why?”

“She was kind and weak – she actually loved him I think. Despite everything he did … she didn’t understand that he didn’t deserve it.” He gulped. “She wanted me to stay with her, but he wanted make a soldier out of me. So he got rid of her.”

She remained silent, but he couldn’t stop, not now.

“She screamed. She shouldn’t have screamed – he hated that. He hit her but she didn’t stop begging and crying and screaming. So he grabbed her by the throat until she stopped moving. ‘She spoiled you’ he said, ‘you are soft and weak-willed. But it’s not too late, boy, I’ll teach you and I’ll teach you well’. And he did, he taught me everything until the day he died.”

She was looking at him. There was no scorn in her eyes. He had been weak but she didn’t mock him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled. “Don’t be, as I said – he got what he deserved.”

Suddenly she scooted closer and put her hand on his upper arm, then slowly she pulled him into a hug. He gasped in surprise and felt a little dizzy. Slowly, very slowly he reached out and returned the hug.

As suddenly as she had embraced him, she let go of him and turned briskly around. He was stunned and for a moment he thought that he had imagined everything, but he still felt the warmth of her arm on his arm, had her scent in his nose.


	11. The Branch

He wasn’t surprised that she barely said two words in the morning. She was clearly uncomfortable. Hux did his best to avoid her so that she didn’t have to think about last night. It had been odd. She probably had been drowsy. Hadn’t meant it.

The rain had finally stopped and after a couple of hours of braiding the cables together they had a rope. Hux tested its strength by wrapping it around the tree and by pulling with all his might. It held and he realised that the moment where he would probably break his neck had arrived.

They ate a few berries before giving it a try. Tico’s overalls had dried and she had swapped the greatcoat for her clothes. She handed him the coat and he carefully folded it and put back into the backpack.

Then he looked down at his uniform jacket. It was dirty and crinkled. It made him uneasy. Perhaps he should take it off? The air was cool but he assumed that he would sweat soon enough … he wasn’t keen on putting his slender frame on display … it didn’t matter. She already knew.

He quickly unbuttoned the jacket and folded it carefully, then he grabbed his black leather gloves and put them on.

She pretended to pile up firewood, but he noticed the glances she shot him. He set his lips in a thin line. Perhaps he should’ve left the jacket on. He tried to slick back his hair – of course in vain – and it made him feel even more awkward.

It didn’t matter. He focussed on the task at hand and approached the lowest branch. With a jump and an pathetic pull-up he sat on the first branch. He tried not to look at her and paused for a moment before he got up and climbed further up.

With the help of the cables and the make-shift hook he managed to climb up to the crown. The wing lay on a thick branch.

He slowly climbed closer, just when he was about to reach it he almost slipped – luckily he managed to grab on a branch and get a hold. His heart hammered against his chest and he needed a couple of moments before he could move again.

The chips looked fine when he pulled them out of the fuel injector. He allowed himself a smile – finally they made some headway.

 

 

The way down was much easier, but the climb had exhausted him – his arms and legs felt heavy when he handed her the fuel injectors. “They’re a little scorched but they seem functional.”

She took them from his hand and smiled at him. “Good.”

The smile took him by surprise and only after that he discovered that he had returned it. She had already turned her attention away, obviously checking the chips.

He felt himself blushing a little and ran his hand through his hair. Then he realised that he was still quite exposed, his lips twitched a little when he glanced at his pale arms. He quickly walked over to the pile of clothes and put the jacket back on.

He felt more comfortable when he had closed the last button. “Your turn, specialist.”

She nodded. “Alright, let’s go-“

“It’s only a matter of hours before the sun sets. I suggest we go first thing in the morning,” he said. There was no point in stumbling around in the dark.

She sighed. “You’re right, I just can’t wait to get off this planet.”

“Depending who is picking up the signal you won’t be so glad to leave,” he dryly said.

“I guess,” she said, sounding dejected.

 

 

They built a fire and roasted their food. Hux couldn’t stop himself picturing being back at the Order. First, he would check their progress in the war of course. Call Ren to inform him that the rumours of his death were exaggerated. Perhaps Ren would be angry that he wasn’t already dead … or perhaps he had realised that things ran smoother with Hux at the helm?

Then he would visit the med bay and after that he would take a long shower. The thought of fresh clothes was very nice. He stretched a little, his back hurt a little … and sleeping in bed would be nice too.

 

 

When the larvae were done he lifted the pot away from the fire and they began to eat. While chewing he couldn’t help but watch the woman across from him.

She was indeed striking. Soon they wouldn’t sit quietly anymore, either way things would change. He would miss her touch, the sparkle in her beautiful brown eyes …

It would end soon. But until then he could try to memorise as much as possible, try to get her to laugh again, to smile at him.

After dinner he asked: “Do you want me to check your splint?”

She blinked and looked at it. “Alright, it looks fine to me though.”

It did. But he wanted to make her feel good and he simply didn’t know how to show her kindness other than checking her injury. He liked it, it gave him comfort – perhaps it worked for her too? At least a little?

He scooted closer and took a quick look. “I’ll take the rag off to check on the bone.”

He pushed the memory of his father holding the waitresses’ wrist away. He removed it and tried not to linger longer than necessary, he- he didn’t want to grope her … he just wanted the feel her warmth. Show her that he … that he was warm too.

He resplinted her arm and looked up in the hopes of seeing her smile or at least look at him in a friendly way. She stared into the fire, thought clearly somewhere else.

He felt a little disappointed and said: “I’m done.”

She pulled her arm back and held hit as if his touch had burned her. Of course. It was silly to think that she wouldn’t be disgusted by him. But he had to take what he could. He shallowed his last shred of dignity and added: “Perhaps you should check the wound on my chest.”

She didn’t refuse and when he felt her fingertips make contact with his skin he felt calm, content even.

“It’s fine,” she said.

“Good.” She looked at him with without disgust or distrust in her eyes, and he felt a sting in his heart. He averted his gaze and started to dress again, covering his chest up.

She started to whittle again. For a moment the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the blade dragging over the wood.

Hux tried to slick his hair back. “Where did you learn to whittle?”

She stopped for a moment and lifted her gaze. “I didn’t. I watched my sister doing it – she was quite good at handcrafts. That and singing. I’m not as creative as she was.” She sighed and continued to whittle. “My mother and she were quite the singers, but I’m afraid that I inherited my talents from my father – I can’t carry a tune if my life depended on it.”

Hux sat up a little straighter. “You’re quite skilled yourself. The forks you made-” he broke off, not quite sure how to end the sentence.

She laughed, a bright, kind laughter that made him smile a little.

“I wouldn’t say that, they’re crude. Just look at this ornament.” She showed him the branch. “It’s supposed to be a moon but it looks more like a squeezed Nara fruit.”

“I think it looks like a moon,” he said while blushing.

She chuckled again. “Well thank you! Finally someone who recognizes my hidden talents! Anyway, I liked to dance when I was a kid. I was quite good – for a kid at least. My father came to every single performance. I guess he was relieved that I had inherited at least some artistic blood from my mother.”

For a moment he tried to picture her dancing, but since he didn’t know any dances he quickly gave up.

“What’s your hidden talent?” she asked.

The question took him by surprise. He thought about it, but nothing came to mind. For some reason he started to feel unwell. “I don’t have one.”

“Come on, even a guy like you must have something.”

Her words made him feel worse. ‘Even a guy like you’. She was right of course, she hadn’t forgotten what he was. What he had done.

“What did you do when you were a kid?” she asked.

Memories of Arcanis resurfaced in his mind. When he was running around in the rain, when he had to redo his bed dozens of times, when he had to stand at attention for hours. When his father put gel on his hair and combed it back. But nothing else, no dancing, no singing, no … whatever. He felt hot shame rise up in his chest.

“I liked to draw,” he lied.

She smiled at him and it hurt. “There you go. Were you any good?”

“I don’t remember. It’s been quite a while,” he said quietly.

Luckily she didn’t ask further. She held the branch closer to her eyes and sighted. She grabbed it by the thicker end and held it into the fire.

Hux’s eyes went wide. “What are you doing?”

She jerked her head up and frowned. “What? What is it?”

“It will catch fire,” he said while pointing at the branch.

She blinked. “So what?”

“D-don’t you want to keep it?” he stammered.

“What for? It’s just something I did to kill the time.”

He felt heat crawling up his cheeks. Stupid, of course she wouldn’t keep it. “I see.”

She laughed, and despite his glum mood it made him almost content.

“If you like it so much you can keep it.” She stretched the branch towards him.

A gift? He couldn’t remember when he received a gift the last time. He took it and stared at it while tracing the ornaments with his fingertips. A gift for him. After a while he went to the backpack and wrapped the carving in his great coat lest it break.

 

 

To his dismay the ground was dry again and she settled on her side of the shelter. He had looked forward to her warmth …

He tossed and turned for a while before he could find sleep. He dreamt about Arkanis again. The constant rain made him soaking wet as he ran home. His great coat sucked up every last drop and felt heavier by the moment. When he finally entered the house, he stripped the coat away and hung it on the hallstand.

Tico was sitting at the table, holding an empty cup in her hands. He noticed the kettle with the tea in the kitchen and went to get it. He poured her a cup, she smiled at him and said, “Thanks, Armitage.” He was excited to have convinced her to stay for tea.

“It’s my favourite tea! I gathered it in the woods,” he said.

But she didn’t drink the tea, instead she put the cup down and got up. She walked over to him and pulled him into an embrace. He leaned down and returned the hug. She cupped his face and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek …

A loud crackle woke him up. He reached out for something, he didn’t know what exactly … and when he saw Tico sitting by the fire and eating berries he relaxed and pulled his hand back. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.

“Tea is almost ready,” she said blithely.

He got up and stretched himself until his joints clicked. “Good idea. I feel exhausted.”

“Another nightmare?”

He stared at her, first at a loss for words. Then his mind slowly started to work again. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Alright then,” she said and ladled the hot liquid with the make-shift cup and handed it to him.

He stared at the cup for a moment before he blew on it and took a sip. It had only been a dream of course, but the feeling, the … moment when he thought about her kiss … his contentment was real. Perhaps it had been a nightmare after all, a vision of something he could never have.

He took another sip of tea. It was bitter, a little too bitter for this morning.

 

 

They arrived at the crashed shuttle about an hour later. Tico had been especially chatty and had told him about the one time when she had fixed an ancient shuttle back on her home planet.

She fell noticeably quiet when they stood in front of the shuttle. Hux straightened himself and entered to recover the pilot, or rather what was left of him.

When he exited she stood farther away, gasping audibly when she saw the body.

“You can fix the comm,” he said. “I’ll have a look around.”

She just nodded and disappeared into the shuttle. He stared for a while at the body of the pilot, thinking about Captain Bahk. He had little doubt that Bahk was in even worse condition than the resistance pilot. He had been busy getting better, finding the means to get off planet … but now there was time. Bahk deserved a proper burial.

If they were in space the Order would eject his ashes into space as it had been custom since the old Empire. Nobody would ever accuse Hux of being sentimental but the longer he thought about it the more he felt that he owed it to Bahk.

 

 

It took him about an half hour to dig a shallow grave. He tossed the almost clean-picked bones into the pit and shovelled soil with a large piece of metal he had pried off a console. Sweat was running down his temples and he panted, but when he was finished he felt a sense of accomplishment.

His thoughts returned to Tico and he briefly wondered if she had completed her task already. He went back to her shuttle and glanced at the remains of the resistance pilot. He still carried the metal … after a moment he started to dig another hole.

 

 

He heard Tico rummage in the shuttle, obviously she was still at work. He sat down for a moment and mused about his next steps. The only sensible thing to do would be moving the camp closer to the shuttle. Any rescue team would show up near the comm signal – provided that Tico could fix it.

With a sigh he started to walk in the direction of their camp.

 

 

Almost all of their belongings fit into his backpack, only the pot was too large and he had to carry it. He passed by the shuttle and headed into the direction of the first river they had discovered. There was a large tree near the river. Hux looked up – the leaves were wide and big. He set down the backpack and the pot and began to search for branches to set up a similar shelter like the last camp.

It was heavy work and he almost had to unbutton his jacket due to the heat. How in the galaxy had Tico done it with a broken arm? His awe before her rose to new heights. It was a testament to her many skills of course … and the lack of his.

After he had finished his task he went to the river and washed his face with cool water, using the water to slick back his hair. He stared at the river for a moment. He saw a blurred reflection of his face and brushed his beard stubble. He looked unclean, unkempt … soft.

He washed his hands again and ran his hand through his hair, trying yet again to slick it back. Then he got up and started to walk back to the shuttle.

 

 

When he arrived he had just picked up the metal plate he had left there after he had buried the pilot and wanted to check on her.

That’s when she stepped out of the shuttle. She looked tired, but there was a smile on her lips. He almost smiled back but then he reminded himself that it wasn’t meant for him, not really.

Her gaze dropped to the grave and she pointed towards it: “Did you bury him?”

“I did, specialist. I was at my shuttle and buried Captain Bahk, too.”

She looked from the grave to him and back. “Thanks I guess.”

He shifted his weight from one to another. “There wasn’t much else to do. Bahk deserved a proper burial for his service.”

She looked at him with her dark brown eyes. He was almost mesmerised by them. “So did Wex. I’m a little bit surprised that you-“

He felt himself blushing. “Is the transmitter working?”

She nodded. “Yes, according the display it’s sending out an automated distress signal. But without the proper tools it’s difficult to be sure if the signal is actually transmitting beyond the planetary orbit.”

“I pitched our camp near the river. It’s still close enough that we would hear any arriving ships and we wouldn’t have to walk so far to get water.”

“Right.”

He glanced one more time at her before he turned and began walking towards the camp.

 

 

She was unusually quiet on their way to the camp. Hux figured that she was tired. She sat down and sighed, rubbing her eyes with her good hand.

He started to build a fire. He had gotten quite good at it, within minutes the fire was crackling. He turned to see if she had noticed – sure enough she was looking at him. He turned his attention back to the fire. It was silly of course but it had actually felt good to see her watch him.


	12. The Knot

The next couple of days were uneventful. They gathered food and Hux began to look for more tea plants. He noticed that Tico was getting restless. She would rub her hand on her overalls and look pensively into the fire. Then suddenly, she would get up muttering something about checking the transmitter and disappear for hours.

She was worried that the signal wouldn‘t be heard – which was a possibility of course. If they had stopped looking for them … the question was of course when and if Ren would call off the search. Hux knew that he was an asset to the Order; the question was if Ren knew that, too. But on the other hand … he really was only a cog in the machine in the end.

He scoffed. To think what he had done to get where he was, only to end up _here_. It was ridiculous. But at least … he looked around and pulled the backpack closer – he reached inside and pulled the branch Tico had given him out.

At least he had met her. He traced the ornaments with the tips of his fingers. He had thought that he knew the galaxy and its workings, had thought that he knew people. Everybody was looking out only for themselves; the weak perished, the strong thrived. It was easy. Or so he had thought.

She was different. A fierce fighter with a gentle smile. But her gentleness wasn’t feeble, it was firm. She could be nice to somebody like him, she was so strong that she could even be nice … where did this leave him?

She had strength without cruelty. He had only cruelty without strength. He sighed and put the branch back in the backpack.

Perhaps he was never meant to be anything more than a rabid cur? Biting everything in sight and being put down once he had outlived his usefulness. It was all he had. It was all he could hope for.

 

 

Tico stared at the notches in a tree she had been carving in its bark. She looked increasingly pale and unwell. It was strange to see her so dejected. He wanted her to be her usual self, but he wasn’t sure how to do that. Well, he liked it when she treated him. Perhaps it would console her … or at least distract her. “Shall I check your splint?”

She blinked and looked at him for a moment before she nodded. She scooted closer and he started to inspect the splint. She exhaled when she lightly touched her wrist and from the corner of his eye he saw that she had closed her eyes. The expression on her face was not disgust but contentment.

He felt his heartbeat quicken – did- did she like him touching her? That wasn’t possible, was it? He was confused and finished his task faster than he wanted.

“Your turn,” he said a little louder than he had intended.

She watched her eyes snap open, she looked at him with a strange glint in her eye he couldn’t interpret. Was it annoyance?

“It’s almost healed. There is nothing more to do besides wait,” she quietly said.

He felt embarrassed but decided to stay his course. “I prefer it if you were thorough, specialist.”

She smiled and a warm feeling spread out in his chest.

“Alright, anything to keep you from calling me ‘specialist’.”

He noticed that his hands trembled a little when he unbuttoned his jacket and his shirt. He had goose bumps on his arms when she touched his bandage and removed it. A wisp of her hair had come loose. He had to suppress the urge to brush the hair away.

Suddenly she lifted her gaze and they stared in each other’s eyes. He wanted to say something, anything but nothing sensible came to mind. He cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

She blinked. “No problem.”

He looked at the tree with the notches. “If you wanted to know how long we’ve been on the planet you could’ve asked. My holo’s chronometer is still working.”

She licked her lips. “Eh, I know. I just wanted to work something out. Just something to kill the time.”

She was clearly hiding something. “Ah.”

She turned her attention again toward the notches, and her face darkened a little. He wanted to distract her. So he said the first thing that came to his mind. “How come you’re not an officer?”

The effect was immediate: She laughed. “I’m just a grease monkey.

Hux realised that this was his chance to compliment her – she was clearly more than a ‘grease monkey’! He stood up and made an effort to appear self-confident. He straightened his jacket and said: “You’re clearly overqualified.”

She frowned. “What?”

“You are overqualified. You’re too skilled to be a simple mechanic!” he repeated, starting to feel a little nervous. He should’ve thought this through. He tried to rid himself of his uneasiness by pacing back and forth. “You are efficient, an excellent technician and obviously very resourceful. Every commanding officer should see that it’s a waste of resources to let you do menial work.”

There, that was a clear statement! After an awkward start he had managed to turn things around.

“Are you implying that our commanding officers are inept?” she asked slowly.

What? “No … well, yes, they’re obviously ignorant regarding your talents, so-“

Now she looked positively annoyed. “Can we not do this today? I’m too tired to listen to you slandering the resistance.”

Hux opened his mouth to explain himself but he closed it again without saying anything. In the end he sat down and stared, embarrassed, into the fire. It had been a silly idea in the first place. He had made a fool of himself … again.

 

 

Hux kept to himself the next couple of days. After the disastrous attempt to pay specialist Tico a compliment, he felt uneasy and embarrassed whenever he tried to think of something to say to her that was more than their basic communication on how to collect food and firewood.

She had gone off, collecting berries and checking on the comm. He built the fire and stoked it when she returned earlier than expected.

“I got the berries, but the splint is coming off,” she said. Her voice sounded throaty. “You really should do a better job, Hux.”

She seemed annoyed. Was it because she thought he hadn’t fastened the splint enough? No, he didn’t seem annoyed at him. She seemed unhappy and tense, and her eyes were wet.

He fixed the splint. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. She relaxed a little bit when he held her hand as he bandaged her. He thought about talking to her, asking what was bothering her. But he couldn’t do it – what would he even say? ‘How are you doing?’ ‘You seem sad’?

Ridiculous.

 

 

Raindrops patted down on the roof of their shelter, and faint thunder could be heard in the distance. Hux noticed that they were better sheltered than during the last storm. Hardly any water trickled in. He felt a faint sense of pride: He had chosen their campsite well.

Tico seemed even gloomier than the day before, but she did her best to keep their conversation going.

“… so you see, Paige actually tried to sneak into the hangar just to get a glimpse of the new freighter. But I never told my parents.”

“But they were punishing you for your sister’s … uh, crime.” He sipped his tea.

“It didn’t matter that I was grounded for a couple of days. It would’ve killed her to-“ she broke off. “She would have hated it to be inside for longer than a couple of hours. She was never a miner. She loved the open sky.”

“You never wanted to be a pilot yourself?”

She blinked and shifted her weight, leaned closer. “No … no, that was Paige’s thing. She was the bold one of us.” Her smile faltered and she looked away.

Always Paige, never her. It was odd that all her stories revolved around her sister. She hardly talked about herself without referencing her. Was this how it would feel having a sibling? Never alone, intertwined with someone … and a hint of jealousy? No, not jealousy … regret.

She must have loved Paige very much, Hux felt a hollow ache in his chest. Nobody would remember him like this … with affection, laughter and longing.

 

 

They were silent for a couple of hours, Tico started at the notches at the tree, rubbing her hands together, frowning as if in silent dialogue with herself.

He cleared his throat. “You’re unusually quiet.” He wanted to continue: “Are you alright?” but the words wouldn’t come over his lips.

She looked over her shoulder and made a visible effort to smile. “I’m just gathering my strength to annoy you with yet another tale of my childhood.”

He straightened himself and said lightly: “I’m certain that this qualifies as torture on some planets. I’m not sure what’s worse: the threat or the actual deed.”

Her fake smile melted into a real one. “If you were to entertain me with an anecdote of yourself I wouldn’t have to think of something to talk about.”

She wanted to hear about him? Or was she just being polite? “I’m afraid my anecdotes aren’t good entertainment.”

She turned to face him and hugged her knees. “Either that or we’re listening for another couple of hours to the rain.”

He racked his brain to find, anything of interest to tell her. “I had a pet once, back when my father was stationed on Jakku. There was a pond of some sort in our compound. There were a lot of insects around it and so there were these small sand lizards. I used to watch them catch the mosquitos. The lizards jumped up from the ground and caught them in mid-flight. They looked funny and so I captured one of them in a box. I named it Wilhuf. After a while it became used to me and I carried it around with me.”

At least until his father discovered the ‘filthy animal’ and crushed it under his boot. The memory made him oddly sad. It had been years since he had even thought about it.

“That’s it? The whole story?” Tico looked genuinely interested.

“I told you that I’m not good at this.”

She frowned. “An anecdote is supposed to end with some sort of punch line – what happened to Wilhuf?”

“He was just gone one day. I suppose I left the box open and he escaped,” he lied.

She hugged her knees tighter. “Somehow I get the impression that the story ended differently.”

He thought about telling her… no. It was only a story to kill the time. “Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Our situation is bleak enough without sob stories.”

She let go of her knees and leaned against the tree. “It is, isn’t it?” Her face darkened a little.

“You never asked me what we were doing on Ghrma 4,” he said quickly.

That caught her attention and her face brightened again. “Well, I thought you would never tell me anyway.”

This was a mistake, he told himself. But then … it wouldn’t matter. “Supreme Leader Ren ordered us to lead an expedition to recover a Force relic.”

She scooted closer. “What kind of relic?”

“I’m not interested in this- this magic. I never asked. Ren wanted it, that was all that mattered.”

“It’s more than magic,” she said with a defiant tone in her voice.

He scoffed. The resistance was really romanticizing the Force. “It’s just another means to rule. It’s convenient to bend others to your own will, but it’s not how wars are won. It’s a distraction. Ren is a distraction.”

She was quiet for a moment. “What is he like? Kylo Ren I mean.”

There was awe in her voice. It bothered him. “He’s weak and that’s why he is dangerous. He has no sense of order and hierarchy. Arrogant, cruel and hot-headed,” he spat.

Rose let herself fall back against the tree. “When I heard who he was – who his parents were … I just don’t understand who he could turn out like that. General Organa is such a warm-hearted woman. Fierce and a little scary I’ll admit, too, but still.”

Hux knew of course whose offspring Ren was. Yet he never thought about it this way. It was strange though … born into the light, into royalty and Ren chose to throw it all away. Whereas Hux had to claw his way to power … had to follow his father’s footsteps. “You’re giving parents too much credit. People make their own choices.”

“Says the man who presumably is the spitting image of his father,” she retorted.

He felt suddenly sick. She had quoted him. He had almost forgotten … this slip of the tongue. Was this how she saw him? No wonder she closed her eyes every time he touched her. “Touché.”

She shook her head. “I don’t get why you accept this so easily. If somebody were to compare me to my mother I would scratch their eyes out – I mean I love her, but nobody wants to be their parents.”

He stared at her. “I don’t understand, what do you want me to say?”

She gave him a sad smile. “Come on, even from the scarce details you’ve told me it’s pretty clear that you hated your old man. Why would you compare yourself to him?”

Yet again she proved that she was unpredictable and a complete mystery to him, though Hux. Why was she asking these questions? To what end? What did she mean by her last question? Of course he would compare himself to his father. “Because I’m like him.”

She sighed. “A couple of minutes ago you just said that I gave parents too much credit, and now you’re telling me that he moulded you in his image. What is it now? It can’t be both.”

Ah, she was right to a certain point of course. “That’s sophistry. We both know that we’re products of our environment as well as of our own choices.”

Rose rubbed her temples and grimaced. It obviously wasn’t the answer she had expected. “All right, we’re not getting anywhere with this. Let’s change the topic.”

Hux still didn’t quite get what she had expected to hear. He watched her closely as if he could get clues from her expression. The only thing he noticed was that she was looking pensive again. The past minutes she had been more lively than the past days … he wanted her to be herself.

“Well, I could tell you about the special features of the Trandoshian hunting knife,” he said after a pause.

Rose snorted. “By the stars! Just tell me about your progress with the local tea plants.”


	13. The Kiss

When the sun had set they lay down to sleep. Hux fell asleep pretty quickly, dreaming once again of the house on Arkanis. Once again, he ran through the rain, hung up his coat and was greeted by Tico who was sipping tea in the kitchen.

She put down the cup and stepped closer to him, reaching up with her right hand – the arm wasn’t broken anymore – cupping his cheek. He haltingly lifted his hand and put it on her arm, scared to overstep his bounds. She smiled at him in a way that made his knees wobbly and pulled him slowly down and kissed him softly on the mouth. He would feel his heartrate quicken and pulled her closer to him. Suddenly they were in his quarters on the _Finalizer._ He broke the kiss and caressed her beautiful face with little pecks.

He was startled when he felt something move against him, his eyes snapped open and the blissful dream faded away.

At first he was annoyed but then he realised that Tico was lying next to him, so close that the back of her overalls almost made contact with arms. “What-“

“It’s still raining. The ground was wet.” There was something in her voice he hadn’t heard before. He couldn’t put his finger on it and it confused him.

He could smell her scent, feel her warmth. She was almost snuggled against him and he remembered the dream … it almost felt like a dream. He wanted to lean down and plant a kiss on her head, embrace her … he could feel himself getting aroused. Before he could stop himself he put his hand on her upper arm. She didn’t pull away and he started to rub her arm. She slowly started to move backwards until she was snuggled up to him.

He could feel himself stiffen. His breath accelerated and his hand caressed her arm a bit firmer. He shifted a little and kissed her neck with an almost chaste kiss. He almost moaned when she pressed herself harder against him, inhaling sharply.

He let his hand wander down to her hips and squeezed them a bit. He propped up and leaned over her to see her face, she looked at him with half-closed eyes. Her breath was ragged. Then she squeezed her eyes shut and turned away a bit. “Don’t look at me, and don’t talk …”

He pulled back, insecure if she wanted him to stop. She was still pressed against him … his cock was hard, there was no doubt that she felt it …

He continued to massage her thigh, pressing his now throbbing hard-on against her warm, soft ass. He boldly reached up, brushing past her inviting full breasts and took hold of the zipper of her overalls. She shifted and turned on her back, clearly wanting him to continue.

He hastily pulled the zipper down and reached down until he could feel the waistband of her panties with his fingertips. He could hear her sharp intake of breath. He let his fingers wander around the panties, barely touching them, enjoying the smoothness of her skin and the sound of her ragged breath.

Finally he moved his hand towards her centre. Her panties were already soaked when he finally started to rub her clit through the thin fabric. His cock was now completely hard, his pants very tight.

He traced the waistband and slipped his hand under it. His finger explored her folds until they found the clit. She moaned and started to grind herself against his hand. Seeing her becoming so undone almost drove him over the edge and he pleasured her until she came.

His cock ached to be touched but he just lay next to her, hearing her panting and watching the expression of ecstasy on her face.

When she opened her eyes she only quickly glanced at him before blushing and starting to unbuckle his belt with her left hand. He helped her getting rid of his belt and his pants. After a moment of hesitation, he finally pulled down his boxer shorts.

She grabbed his proud, erect cock and began to slide her hand up and down. The sensation was so overwhelming that he almost came right away. After only a few strokes he came with a suppressed moan, spilling his hot seed over her hand.

She let go of him and they both lay panting next to each other. Hux felt relaxed and secure, happy even. After a minute she took the canteen and washed her hand. He did the same. They didn’t talk and he was glad about it.

To his surprise she scooted closer and spooned up to him. He pulled her slightly closer with his right hand and gave her a light kiss on the head.

 

 

When he woke in the morning he was still snuggled up to her. Feeling her warmth made him content and he couldn’t help but to smile when she looked at him over her shoulder. She stared wide-eyed at him as if she had seen a ghost.

He stopped smiling. Of course. He had known of course … but actually seeing her shrink away from him still hurt. He felt a little lump in his throat and he lowered his gaze. “I’m going to the river. Wash myself.”

She sat up and cleared her throat. “I-I should go too.”

“The rain has stopped. I think the sun will come out soon. We could uh, wash our clothes, too. They should be dry by the evening.”

He started to crawl towards the exit, and by chance he looked at her spot. It was dry. He felt the lump in his throat getting bigger.

 

 

On their short way to the river Hux mused about the previous night. She had come to him … surely it didn’t mean anything. She was unwell and he happened to be the only company. Yes, her look this morning had made it clear that she didn’t really- But of course she didn’t.

After a couple of minutes they stood before the river. He put down the backpack and started to look around. If he went a little upstream she wouldn’t see him. Weak, thin as a paper slip. Disgusting.

He pressed his lips together and turned to leave.

“Wait.”

He stopped and turned his attention to her.

She gave him a nervous smile. “I think it’s better if one of us keeps an eye on the surroundings – if we’re both in the water apart from each other … well, there are predators and you can’t take your blaster with you.”

He straightened himself and ran a hand through his hair. He should’ve thought of this danger. “You’re right of course. I guess I’m a little absent-minded today.”

She blushed a little. “I guess we both are. You go first. I think your uniform takes longer to dry than my overalls – it’s thicker.”

Again she was right. He felt uneasy when he started to unbutton his jacket and turned to face the water as he stripped down. The air was cool but he didn’t mind. He was used to coldness. One would think he was used to humiliation, too.

As soon as he was naked he grabbed the pile of his clothes and waded into the water, trying to ignore her presence. As it turned out, it was impossible to forget about her. Even as he stood in the freezing water trying to wash his dirty uniform he couldn’t stop thinking about her smooth skin, her warm eyes and how she had felt against him.

Hux was many things but he was no fool. He knew that he had fallen for her. Badly. When found the courage to look at her, she had taken the great coat out of the backpack and was holding it up like a blanket.

He gulped. “Could- could you just look the other way?” He sounded weak, but this time he didn’t care.

She looked straight at him, kind and with compassion. It made his heart flutter. “Listen, if you promise not to mention my stretch marks I promise that I won’t ever bring up your scrawny chest.”

She knew. Of course she knew. He tried to smile. “When you put it that way …”

He quickly waded out of the water, almost slipping on the muddy ground. He slid into the coat immediately relieved by its comfortable fabric.

Then he started to wring out his clothes and hung them up on a tree. While he was busying himself with stretching his jacket as best he could, he heard the sound of a zipper opening. He willed himself not to stare, but when she brushed past him he looked at her.

Of course she looked amazing: Her beautiful curves made him restless, her dark hair made him want to touch it …

She cursed under her breath when her toes made contact with the water. “Damn it, it’s freezing.”

He wrapped the greatcoat around him. “You don’t say.”

She waded into the middle of the river and submerged herself before emerging quickly. She started to rub her arms and her torso. “You better warm up fast, I need that coat the moment I leave this liquid carbonite.”

He groaned. There was no way he would be warm until she came out. “I detect a flaw in our plan.”

“You mean that one of us has to freeze to death?”

A dry laugh escaped his lips. “We’ll just return to camp and start a fire.”

Tico was washing her clothes. “The next time we’ll just heat some water and wash ourselves and the clothes in the camp.”

“You want to wash our underwear in the same pot we’re cooking our dinner?” he scoffed.

She shrugged. “We’ll just make another one. There has to be another piece of metal we can use.”

He rubbed his arms. He was still freezing. “Of course, and we can make proper tea cups and a kettle while we’re at it. We’re not savages, are we?”

She laughed brightly. “Don’t be an ass about it, Hux. You got a better idea?”

He wanted to make a suggestion, but he couldn’t come up with an idea, much less a witty remark.

She laughed again. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Then she grabbed her clothes and came out of the water. Her lips were slightly blue and she trembled. “Let’s head back to the camp.”

He started to unwrap the coat from his body. “Do you want the coat?”

She shook her head. “I’m alright for the moment, stars – your lips are still blue. Let’s just hurry up.”

He wanted to protest but she brushed past him. He hurried to collect his clothes still hanging from the tree and ran after her.

“You’re cold too,” he said to her back.

She didn’t stop. “I bet your hands are still numb.”

“Well … yeah, but-“

“I don’t want you to be cold,” she said quietly.

He didn’t know how to respond to that and remained silent until they reached camp.

He was still freezing, but he shed the coat and put it on her shoulders while piling up firewood. He was aware that she was … seeing him but he ignored the burning shame as he lit the fire.

As soon as it was burning they sat down next to each other, sharing the large coat.

Kriff, he was lucky if he didn’t get pneumonia. “We did not think this through,” he groaned.

She just laughed. “Wouldn’t it be great if rescue arrived right now – I mean- It would be ridiculous wouldn’t it?”

For some reason it made him laugh too. “I don’t know what you’re talking about – it’s perfectly normal to huddle for warmth.”

The laughter died on her lips and he felt immediately bad, but didn’t know what he had done wrong. She was completely still save for her hands – he pressed her fingernails into her skin. Of course, for her it was a descent … she had lowered herself, perhaps even her standards.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said haltingly.

She just continued to knead her hands together, staring at the fire without seeing it. Finally the hard line around her mouth softened and she glanced at him.

He was painfully aware how pathetic he must look, hair unkempt, beard stubble, skinny, pasty. He had been lucky that she had had an obvious lapse in judgement. There was no point in expecting more.

 

 

In the next few days Hux continued collecting tea plants. There wasn’t much else to do besides hunting for larvae and berries. Tico started to build traps to capture small animals – he should be used to her ingenious ideas but seeing her twist thin cables into nooses made him oddly content.

He smiled to himself and ground some leaves between two stones. He smelled them and cautiously put one little piece in his mouth. The taste was something between an old combat boot and men’s locker room and he quickly spat it out.

She laughed. “You’re going to poison yourself!”

He took a gulp of water to rinse his mouth. “We have to broaden our menu, as you know.”

She looked at her traps and sighed. “Too bad that the nerfs are gone.”

“Even if they came back – what are we supposed to do?” he said with a laugh. “Try to penetrate their thick skull with a blaster?”

She smiled at him. “Yeah I know. And we wouldn’t know how to conserve the meat – it would go to waste within the day.”

“That’s not the problem.,” he said. “We only have one blade and I highly doubt that it would be strong enough to cut through all the tendons-“

She groaned. “By the stars! I would give my right arm for a nerf burger!”

“To be honest I would be content if we could get another snake.” The thought of the salty meat made his mouth water.

“Well, perhaps we get lucky with my traps.”

“You really think so?”

Again she laughed. “No, but one can hope.”

He couldn’t help but stare at her. He could sit here forever and watch her build traps, whittle branches … hearing her laugh. Whenever she smiled it did something to his chest. He felt hot and at the same time nervous, restless. Affection was a strange thing; perhaps he wasn’t made for it.

She returned his glance. He imagined running his hand through her curly hair, kissing her soft inviting lips … it took him a considerable amount of self-discipline not to get up and go to her right away.

No, she had been clear. She didn’t want to see or hear him. It was too bright still. He understood, after all he could barely stand his own reflection in a mirror. There was something about him that made him shiver, every time he saw himself, when he combed his hair … he had started to dim the lights in his bathroom a few years ago.

He pushed the memory away. It didn’t matter. He looked at her again. She was wiping her hands on her overall, leaning against a tree. Staring up, counting the notches again.

She did matter.

Suddenly he realised that they were staring at each other, there was something in her eyes. Soon it would be dark, she wouldn’t care if it was dark.

 

 

He waited for a bit after the night had broken in, laying on his side, listening to her breaths. He was aware of the danger of being rejected, being humiliated … but the thought of touching her again, hearing her moans again …

He slowly got up and crossed the shelter. He lay down behind her and cautiously put his hand on her upper arm and placed a soft kiss on her neck. She gasped and he froze.

He gulped and whispered: “Shall I leave?”

“No … just don’t talk and don’t look at me.” She snuggled closer to him and he pressed his body against hers. So warm and soft.

He let his hand wander of her hips towards the zip fastener on her stomach and trailed it upwards. He kissed her neck once again, drawing a deep breath from her. He grew bolder and cupped her full breast with his right hand, stroking and caressing it, playing with her nipples. Even through the fabric of her overalls he could feel them reacting to his touch.

He could hear her breath becoming ragged and he pressed his now fully erect cock against her ass. A silent moan escaped his lips.

He hastily reached up to her zipper and pulled it down. He was about to massage her when she grabbed his hand and pressed it against her crotch. Seeing and hearing her come so undone made him moan too and he brushed past her panties and started to caress her clit. She spread her legs to grant him better access and he couldn’t resist slipping his middle finger inside her. She was wet and so hot that he leaked pre-cum.

His strokes became faster and firmer. She groaned something like “Kriff,” and he could feel how she clamped around his finger while pressing his hand once more against her clit.

This time she turned around quickly to face him, he quickly turned so that she didn’t have to look at him and began to fumble with his belt.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his and he became still. She unbuckled the belt and slid her hand under his jacket and his shirt. He closed his eyes and enjoyed her hand on his skin, her hand wandered over his stomach, over his chest, up to his collarbone, as if she wanted to explore his body.

He had never felt anything like it, the soft touch, the lingering warmth … not some hasty rough mechanical movements to get him off quickly … this- this was what affection must feel like. He didn’t mind her touching his skinny chest nor his bony frame.

When she suddenly grabbed the bulge in his pants he moaned loudly, then quickly helped her pull his pants down to his knees.

He bit his lips when she continued to caress his stomach and thigh before finally reaching his ass. She brushed over his cheeks and squeezed them. He hadn’t known that he was so sensitive there and his breath became even more ragged.

She continued her way and trailed his sharp hipbone until she reached inside and grabbed his cock. He groaned and started to move, increasing the friction as she stroked him. He came moments later.

He was dizzy and had to catch his breath before he pulled his boxer shorts and pants back up. Judging from the rusting of her clothes, she did the same. She settled down next to him, presenting him her back. He moved a little closer to snuggle up but then he remembered the incredible sensation when she had touched him, caressed his stomach, his chest …

He cleared his throat and she glanced over her shoulder.

“What?”

“Mind if you lay behind me?”

She hesitated shortly. “Uh, alright.”

He lay down and turned his back to her. She scooted closer until she was pressed against him. She even put her arm around him.

He closed his eyes and tried to memorize the security and heat it gave him.


	14. The Rescue

As expected, she was again very quiet in the morning. She held her silver medallion so firm that her knuckles turned white. He decided to leave her be and boiled water for his morning tea. He thought about offering her some but perhaps that was too … intimate? Too familiar? Strange, after what they had done, to think that there was still something too intimate.

What would happen if they were rescued by the resistance? Would she tell them about his obvious affection for her? They would laugh of course, mock him … no, she wouldn’t do that. She was too good.

Specialist Tico, 26, skilled survivalist, tenacious soldier, poor shot, pretty and kind. Rose Tico … what a fitting name. Well-fortified, beautiful and vibrant.

He glanced over his shoulder and saw that she was looking at him with her mesmerizing dark brown eyes. He smiled at her despite himself. Yes, he was pathetic, but all that mattered was her. The time he was allowed to spend with her.

She got up and came over to him.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” he asked hesitantly.

“Sure, although I’m still a little disappointed that you haven’t managed to find caf beans.” She took the cup and sipped.

“Sorry to disappoint, but perhaps you’ve started to appreciate tea?”

She handed him the cup back and he also took a sip. “You wish, but it’s the only thing with some taste.”

He gulped. “Yes, it’s better than nothing out here.”

 

 

When the night approached he got nervous and watched her closely to see if she wanted him to be close.

She yawned and stretched herself until her joints clicked. “Time to nap.”

His breath almost stopped when she casually crawled over to him and lay down before him. It was not raining and it wasn’t cold. Still she had come, allowing him to be close to her. He quickly lay down and put his arm around her as if she could leave if he wasn’t fast enough.

He snuggled closer, still wondering what it meant. She wasn’t pressing herself against him like the night before. If he read the situation correctly she- she just wanted company.

The thought made him happy and he snuggled even closer, burying his face into her hair. Accidently he brushed her neck with his lips.

“Not tonight.” Her voice was a little drowsy.

He could feel himself blushing. Stupid. He should’ve taken more care – what if she left? “I didn’t mean- yes of course. I’m sorry.”

She chuckled softly. “What for?”

He relaxed a little. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

She was silent for a moment, then she shifted a little. “Do you have somebody back in the Order?”

He almost scoffed. The very thought was ridiculous. When he realised that she was serious, he said: “No. You?”

“Not really.”

He had never thought about the fact that she could be in a relationship. Now he realised that he was taken aback – how was it possible that she -- who was she thinking about when they were together in the dark? Or was it only about not having to see him? The words tumbled out of his mouth: “Then why can’t I look at-“

She interrupted him right away: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

Her sharp tone made him flinch a bit. It actually hurt hearing her say it.

She gulped. “This way we can both pretend. It makes it easier.”

So she thought that he was thinking about somebody else? Was it possible that she hadn’t caught on how much he … liked her? Was it really possible that she hadn’t seen that he made a fool of himself? “Of course,” he mumbled.

The longer he thought about it the more it made sense. She knew of course what he was. It was absurd to think that someone like him could develop an affection for anybody. After all he could barely believe it himself.

 

 

The sun shone brightly as they walked past their traps. Hux felt sweat running down his back and for a fleeting moment he thought about opening his jacket. Before he could make up his mind Rose started to run towards a trap set beside a large bush.

She laughed and held the trap high in the air, something with a brown fur was dangling in it. “Behold spoils of the mighty hunter!”

He came closer. “What is it? A rat?”

She held the trap closer to her face. “Looks more like a rabbit to me. Anyhow, we could try to make a soup of it. There isn’t much meat on it, but perhaps it goes well with those potato-like vegetables you found the other day.”

She held the trap open and he took the small animal out, he still thought it looked more like a rat. He put it into the backpack.

“Where did you learn to make traps?” he asked as the marched further into the forest.

“I was stationed on some pretty dingy bases before transferring to the _Raddus_. Some of them had vermin in the storage rooms that would put a rathtar to shame.”

He laughed. “A rathtar? Really?”

“Well, some of these critters had pretty sharp teeth. I had to improvise.”

She checked another trap, it was empty.

“No rat here,” he said playfully.

She turned and put her hands on her hips. “It was a rabbit!”

 

 

In the last trap was another animal. They had collected three of them, not bad considering that she had put out the traps just the day before.

“You’re incredible,” he said.

Just scoffed. “Pfff, not really. We’re just lucky that there are some really dumb and clumsy critters on this planet.”

Why wouldn’t she just admit her skills? “At least they’re-“ his eye caught something blue in the crown of the tree above her, and he stopped midsentence. “Do you see that up there?”

She craned her neck to look up. A small flutterplume-like bird just landed next to the fruit and started to eat it.

The fruits weren’t far up, but just slightly out of range for Hux he found out as he tried to grab them.

He kneeled. “You have to sit on my shoulders.”

She climbed on his back and he took hold of her ankles as he stood up, when he struggled to keep his balance he realised that it hadn’t been his brightest idea. Weak. He gritted his teeth and felt her shift her weigh a bit, finally she threw the fruits down on the ground. He lowered himself and she got off him.

He had to catch his breath before he got up again. She already held the blue fruits and inspected them. “Not bad, eh?”

He tried to slick his hair back and pulled his jacket down. “Indeed.”

She lifted an eyebrow and nodded towards him. “Why are you still bothering with the uniform?”

He blinked and licked his lips. “It’s comfortable.”

She threw the fruits into the backpack and stepped closer to him. Much closer than usual, he felt his heartbeat quicken. She reached up and for a moment he thought she was going to cup his face like in the dream he had a while ago. But instead she grabbed his collar and opened the top-most button. “There, isn’t that better?”

Before he could stop himself he lifted his hand and brushed a wisp of hair behind her ear. He realised that he had overstepped his bound and took a quick step back.

He gulped and touched his collar. “Perhaps,” he said quietly.

 

 

As everything on this planet – save from a deadly snake – the critters were tasteless even with the vegetables they added to the stew. But it turned out that having a taste wasn’t always a blessing: The blue fruits tasted like the cheap mouldy hooch Hux had drunk during his academy days.

“Well, the taste is horrible. A possible fermentation process I would guess.” He spit the bite out.

Tico sat across from him on the other side of the fire. “Does that mean we can make our own booze?”

He grimaced. “Don’t get your hopes up. I suspect the level of alcohol is quite low.”

She jumped up and came to his side. She let herself fall next to him and snatched the fruit out of his hand.

She took a hearty bite and coughed. “By the stars! I thought you exaggerated about the taste.”

He stared at her disbelievingly. “Why would I do that?”

She half-laughed and half grimaced before drinking water. “So that you can get drunk on your own booze-fruits without sharing.”

He acted outraged. “Booze-fruits? I think we should come up with a better name!”

He touched him with her elbow. “Hey, I like the name, besides, you can name the rodents.”

“What an honour.”

“We would have to split the plants – there are too many different bushes and trees for just one person.”

“I call dibs on the tea,” he quickly said.

She laughed. “You’re just afraid that I’ll call your favourite beverage ‘dirty socks-tea’ or something.”

“Wouldn’t you?” he said with a laugh.

She gave him a lop-sided grin. “Of course, what’s the point of naming the local flora and fauna if you can’t have fun?”

He suppressed another laugh and turned to tell her that it was hardly scientific to have ‘fun’, she would of course throw her hand into the air and insist on it – he looked up and drew breath to speak when he saw that she was looking straight at him.

There was something in her gaze, something he imagined she had when she lay down beside him, when she touched him. He could feel his heartbeat quicken.

Slowly, very slowly he moved even closer and cupped her cheek, caressing her with his thumb. Beautiful, irresistible, vibrant.

He leaned forward and gave her an almost chaste kiss on her cheek. She gasped and closed her eyes, lips half parted. She was clearly aroused and he could feel his cock stiffen just by the look of her.

“We can wait for a bit, it’ll be dark soon. It’s easier-”

“I want to look at you. Please, just this once. You’re so beautiful … I want to see your face and I-I want to kiss you properly.” He had spoken quickly and quietly, afraid he wouldn’t be able to say the words out loud.

Up until now her eyes had been closed, now they snapped wide open. “Hux-”

She hadn’t said no, not yet, he thought frantically. “You can keep your eyes closed,” he whispered. “You wouldn’t have to look at me and I won’t talk.”

He felt a hand running through his hair, fingernails on his scalp. It felt so good that it made him shiver.

She leaned forward and gave him a surprisingly passionate kiss. It took him a few seconds to recover from this unexpected turn of events but then he embraced her and returned the kiss wildly.

They both panted when they finally broke it off. He hungrily kissed his way from her cheek to her jawbone while she opened his jacket and almost ripped his shirt open.

He grabbed her zipper and pulled it down. Both wriggled out of their clothes. He couldn’t unhook her bra fast enough so he just pushed it up and began to circle her nipples, teasing them with his fingertips while she caressed his torso until her hands made their way to his hips and his ass.

He now kissed his way down to her full breasts, caressing her nipples with his tongue. She moaned and let go of him.

He let his hands wander down to her panties, letting his fingers trace the waistband, sometimes pressing one finger on her clit while continuing licking and sucking her nipples.

She groaned and reached down to grab the bulge in his pants. He hissed lustfully and slid his hand under her panties.

She spread her legs wider and ground herself against his hands. She was already dripping wet. He was so intoxicated that he almost didn’t realise that she had pulled down his pants and boxers.

She grabbed his cock with a soft yet firm grip and started to slide up and down. The overwhelming sensation made him lose his pace but he quickly found it again eliciting moans from her.

He kissed her roughly. Wisps of his hair were hanging into his face but he could clearly see her looking at him. They held eye contact as they quickened their pace.

Stars! With this pace he wouldn’t last much longer! He shifted his position a little and slipped his middle finger into her pussy and when he crooked his finger and started to move inside her she hissed something like “Kriff” and let go of him, clearly lost in her own pleasure.

His cock throbbing and seeing her pant and moan didn’t anything to ease his predicament, on the contrary … he was very tempted to relieve himself but he held back and added another finger. Judging from the even louder moans she liked it. Suddenly she grabbed him by his neck and force him to look at her.

“Come inside!”

He continued his ministrations, seeing her face screw up in pleasure. Then he stopped and kissed her neck, earlobe and cheek before whispering close to her ear: “Are you sure?”

She ran her hand again through his hair and pulled him closer.  “Yes!”

He didn’t waste any more time after that. He quickly grabbed her hips and positioned himself between her legs; hastily he pulled her boots from her feet and got rid of the overalls. Impatiently he also pulled his pants further down and slowly lay down until the tip of his cock pressed against her wet pussy. He looked up and watched her as he entered her.

He thrusted into her. So hot, wet and tight. He lost his last shred of self-control and started to fuck her fast and hard. She wrapped her legs around him and pressed herself against him. She cried out and he could feel her pussy clamp around his cock, driving him over the edge too. With a low undignified grunt he shot his cum inside her. He lowered himself on her, coming down from the overwhelming ecstasy he had just experienced.

He was still panting when he started to give her pecks on her mouth, probably grinning like an idiot. He propped himself up and pulled out before kissing her properly and tugging a strand of hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear.

She smiled at him too. Then she cupped his cheek with her good hand. “Thanks.”

He started to caress her hand. “What for?”

“For being here.”

He gulped. He was here … what if anybody else had been here? He pushed the thought aside and hugged her. He was happy now, everything else would wait. Perhaps- perhaps the rescue would take longer? They could be together, forgetting about everything else.

They could capture nerfs, Rose could build a fence and … it was silly of course. They would more likely die due to some poisonous plant than to survives for month.

Months … he realised that she hadn’t asked for protection. He cleared his throat. “Y-you don’t need to worry. I made sure years ago that I won’t ever become a f-father.” He felt heat crawl up his cheeks.

She looked at him with a smile. “My protection should last for a couple of months … so everything is alright. Even if you hadn’t- everything is alright.”

Hux returned her smile. Of course she was in control, she always was. He put his hand on her head and massaged her scalp – perhaps she would like it too?

After a few moments she asked: “Do you think that we’ll ever get off this planet?”

“I do. Someone is bound to hear our distress signal.” Probably the First Order, he added in his mind, provided they hadn’t stopped looking for him of course.

“Really?”

“Why so surprised?”

“I thought – if you’re not thinking that we are going to die here, why-” she stopped talking.

It all made sense now, her deteriorated mood … her willingness to sleep with him. She thought she would die here. In a strange way it made sense. Why else? Why else would she do what she had done?

And she had thought he had done it for the same reason. Because she knew that someone like he couldn’t have another motivation. He was a cruel monster after all.

He ran his hand again through her hair. “It’s alright. There is no need to be gentle. I know that you don’t like me, not really.” He waited for her to speak, hoping that he was… that he was wrong. That she would say that didn’t hate him.

She sniffled a little and scoffed. “Of course I don’t.”

So he had been right. But that was hardly a surprise. He had to be content with what she had given him. He closed his eyes and tried to memorise the heat of her skin against his, her scent and the feeling of her arm around him.

 

 

A sudden movement woke him up, he jerked his head up and saw that Rose was starting up at the ceiling of their shelter. A screeching sound could be heard overhead; it was the ion-pulse-engine of a T-107. Hux knew this sound intimately – he had overseen the production of the newest generation of fighters for the Order. They were here.

He jumped up and started to dress himself in his uniform. He quickly buttoned his jacket straightened it and fastened his belt.

He glanced nervously at her. She knew of course. She was a mechanic. The resistance didn’t have ion-pulse-engines. She slowly got up and slipped into her overalls and exited the shelter. He followed her.

She rubbed her hands against the rough fabric of her clothing as if she wanted to wipe off a stain while staring up towards the screeching sound that came closer once again. Her eyes were wet when she looked him in the eyes. She grabbed the medallion she wore around her neck.

Then she lowered her gaze to the dagger lying beside the fireplace. He gulped. She wouldn’t go down without a fight but there was no chance that she would make it.

“Rose,” she said, “please don’t.” He positioned himself between her hand the dagger.

She lifted her gaze, there was determination visible in her eyes. Then she turned and ran.

“Rose! Come back!” he yelled although he knew that it was in vain.

Moments later a large shuttled arrived and started to hover right above him. A large squadron of Stormtroopers lowered themselves with ropes through the canopic right in front of him. He straightened himself, fully aware how he must look.

He noted with satisfaction that they snapped at attention the moment their feet touched ground.

“At ease,” he said while clasping his hands behind his back.

“Sir! Our scanners indicated another person. They ran but don’t worry, we set hunting droids after them.”

The blood in his veins turned to ice. “Capture her, she’s resistance, and could provide us with valuable intel.”

“Of course, general.”

“You’ll find a backpack in that hut, retrieve it.”

“Sir!”

The trooper obeyed without hesitation. Hux looked up saw that they lowered a rope with a harness for him. It was time to go home.


	15. The End

When he stepped out of the shuttle on-board the destroyer he was welcomed by Lieutenant Mitaka … 24, shy, needs supervision, last performance evaluation: satisfactory. Hux was satisfied to discover that his memory was still working flawlessly.

“General Hux! Good to see you sir!” There was a tad desperation in his enthusiasm.

“Lieutenant Mitaka, I hope everything progressed satisfying during my … absence,” he coolly replied.

“Well, the Supreme Leader wasn’t satisfied with General Nuresh’s performance and insisted that we found you as fast as possible.”

He had to suppress a smile. So Ren had finally started to realise how efficient he was? Excellent. He was certainly more than a cog in a machine. Strong, important. Rose had been wrong.

“I assume the hunter droids captured the rebel?” he asked. If they had harmed her …

Mitaka nodded. “They stunned her. She’s on the way here. We’ll bring her to the interrogation room right away of course.”

He almost flinched. “Of course.”

“The team in the med bay awaits you, general,” said Mitaka.

Before Hux could respond a shrill peeping rang out. A floating holo device appeared out of nowhere and projected Kylo Ren.

Hux’s lips twitched. “Supreme Leader.”

Ren stared at him, Hux didn’t miss the way he smirked when his gaze wandered over his beard stubble and his less than perfect uniform. “General Hux, how good of you to return to us. And you even brought a prize.”

Hux blinked. Ren had already heard about Rose? “Indeed.”

“I want to interrogate her myself. I’ll arrive in 26 hours – prepare everything.” A twisted smile played on his lips. “You can relieve General Nuresh from command once you visit the med bay.”

His holo picture vanished before Hux could reply. Damn it! If Ren interrogated Rose … he still remembered the screams of Commander Dameron. He had to convince her to- to collaborate.

“Sir?” asked Mitaka.

Hux realised that he was still staring into the distance. He cleared his throat. “Prepare everything for Ren’s arrival. I’ll be in the med bay.” He strode off, leaving Mitaka in his wake.

Some of the officers looked as if they saw a ghost when he encountered them on his way into the lower decks. He felt uncomfortable in his dirty uniform and with his unkempt hair, but first things first. He had to check on Nuresh, get some shots in case he had contracted a disease, and talk to Rose before Ren arrived.

 

 

The commanding medical officer, Captain Xun, 41, scientifically capable, last performance evaluation: good, scanned him himself.

“You’re in remarkably good shape for somebody who was stranded on a planet for almost four weeks. You’re malnourished and lacking vitamins but this,” he used a hypo spray on him, “should fix it most of it. The rebel did actually good work with your injuries, but nothing motivates like a blaster to the head, eh?” He chuckled cordially.

“How is General Nuresh?” asked Hux. “Ren asked me to relieve her of command.”

The doctor’s eyebrow rose. “We all serve at the pleasure of the Supreme Leader. I’m afraid General Nuresh has done her duty.”

“Ren?”

He nodded. “He cracked her skull and broke her spine. I’m afraid the head trauma was too severe for even the most advanced kolto techniques. She is brain dead.”

Hux clenched his fists. So Ren wanted him to end Nuresh’s misery. What a pointless power play. Did Ren really think that this would faze him in the slightest? After everything he had done?

Xun led him to Nuresh, who was being kept in a kolto tank. The bluish liquid made her skin look grey. What a waste – she was a very capable military leader. He reached out and turned the life-support off. He stayed to watch her slowly drawing the last few breaths until she just stopped.

He turned on his heel and left for his quarters.

 

 

He stopped dead in his tracks when the doors closed behind him. He scanned the room with his eyes: Everything was exactly as he had left it. But something felt off … he noticed the battered backpack from the planet sitting right in front of his desk.

He crossed the room and activated the larger comm station on his desk. He wasn’t in the mood to talk so he just sent a message to his orderly to send him Tarine tea and a stew. While he waited the quickly checked his messages, as expected most of them were outdated reports about various projects.

He was still scrolling through the messages when his orderly entered and silently put a tray with stew and tea on his desk.

When Hux looked up he was already gone. He grabbed the plate with the stew and devoured it right away. It was nothing short of delicious. He leaned back in his chair and took a sip of tea. It was the right amount of bitter with an aftertaste of mint, not like the stuff he had to drink the last few weeks.

He activated his holo and called Mitaka. “Is the rebel ready for interrogation?”

The tiny Mitaka on his holo bowed his head. “She’s in cell 134-B, but she’s still unconscious. If you wish we could wake her up with stims.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Hux replied and ended the call.

He took another sip and felt suddenly very tired. Perhaps it would be best to rest for a couple of hours before visiting her. He needed to be sharp and rested if he were to convince her to accommodate Ren.

But first he had to clean himself up properly. He gulped the tea down and got up. He unbuckled his belt as he walked into his bathroom. The lights went on and the harsh light revealed his greasy unkempt hair, his orange beard stubbles and his dirty uniform. He took in the picture for a moment. Then he dimmed the lights and continued to undress himself, trying to ignore the large mirror in front of him.

When he had stripped his undergarments, he stuffed everything into the fresher, even the boots. The droids would take care of it. He stepped into the shower and activated the hydro tap, closing his eyes and letting the warm water prattle down on him. He allowed himself a couple of minutes just standing there before he started to wash himself.

 

 

He exited the shower and rubbed himself dry with a large dark towel. He wrapped it around his waist and stepped closer to the mirror. He brightened the light again and took the automated razor. He activated it and began to shave. Minutes later he had finally gotten rid of the stubble.

He washed his face once again and headed into the bedroom. He lay down on the bed and was surprised how soft it was, the black silk felt cool against his skin. He set a timer on his wrist holo and closed his eyes.

 

 

The shrill beeping made him wake up. He silenced the alarm and got up with a groan. It was quiet in his quarters and he felt a little cold. He remembered the backpack and went to retrieve it.

The branch with the whittled symbols was still whole. He let his fingers wander over the carvings. It was probably his imagination but the wood felt warm.

He put the branch down on his desk and headed back into his bedroom. Minutes later he had put on a pristine uniform and injected himself with a stim. He checked the chronometer again and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He spit out and mechanically put product on his hair, combed it carefully and took a step back to check the result of his work.

Seeing his reflection made him feel odd. He combed his hair again, but he still felt unwell. Something was off. He straightened his uniform. At least he looked civilised again. Rose had seen him at his worst, but now … he brushed over his uniform and checked his clean-shaven face. She was most certainly awake now. The prospect of seeing her again made him slightly … anxious.

He put on some more gel and combed his hair again, carefully parting his hair until no hair was out of place. He exhaled and made an effort to look indifferent, professional.

 

 

Standing in front of her cell he tugged at his black leather gloves. He had thought what to say to her but nothing sensible had come to mind. He wasn’t ready to face her, but he couldn’t stand here any longer.

He straightened his back and gestured to the trooper guarding the interrogation room to open the door. The door slid open and he briskly walked in.

Rose sat on a stretcher, holding her right arm. Nobody had given her the opportunity to shower, or to clean herself up. He felt sorry for her. She looked miserable and for a moment there had been a sparkle in her eyes but it had faded and now she just stared at him coldly.

He licked his lips. He could do this. He had done it countless times with all kinds of resistance fighters. “Supreme Leader Ren is keen to get the location of your base. Tell us and we’ll let you clean up properly and get you medical attention.”

The harrowing look she gave him made him shiver. “You know that I won’t talk.” Her voice trembled a little.

He felt a sting in his chest. He licked his lips again and stepped a little closer. Finally he sat down beside her. It was no use, he couldn’t keep up this charade. “Please talk. Nobody can withstand Ren. We can compensate you-“

She interrupted him: “Do you think I want to be tortured? I’m no hero, I’m scared shitless. But I owe it to my sister and my friends to try.”

Of course he had known that this would be her answer. He had just hoped … that he had been wrong. “It’s pointless.”

“No, it’s pointless to try to convince me to sell out. If- if you would’ve just let me kill myself on the planet-“ she glared at him. “If you have any respect for me whatsoever you’ll leave your dagger here so I can finish the job before Ren tears through my mind.”

He could feel his hackles rise, the very thought of a galaxy without her made him sick. Everything but this. “I can’t do that.”

He wished he could hold her, caress her one last time. If only they were still on the planet … silently giving each other comfort. He tried to summon the sensation of her hand caressing his chest and his collarbone, kind and soft but the memory melted away in the harsh light of the interrogation room.

Wishful thinking wouldn’t help her. Ren was on his way and there was nothing he could do to stop him. Ren would rummage through her mind, bare everything in order to destroy the resistance. He would probably also discover what they had done on the planet, every detail of it. Oh, he would cherish it, holding it over Hux for the rest of his life – however short that may be.

It didn’t matter. There was no indignity he hadn’t already suffered. He didn’t matter. But she did.

“Rose …” he said without knowing how to continue.

She sniffled. “Well, we always knew how it would end, didn’t we?”

He felt an iron grip around his heart. Yes, she was right, there was only one way this could end. He had to set her free, consequences be dammed. Just once, once in his life he would do the right thing.

He got up and looked at her, pressing his lips together. Just once. He left without looking back.

 

 

He strode towards the turbo lift and commed the head of security.

As soon as the figure of Colonel Zastija appeared on his wrist holo, he snapped: “Have the prisoner in cell 134-B sent to the upper cells. She’s been cooperative. Patch her up and give her something to eat.”

“Yes, sir!”

He ended the call and checked his personal funds. They were of course well-stocked. Nobody rose to his position without knowing back-channels for all sorts of businesses. What he needed was time and money. Everything else would fall into place once he had formulated his plan.

 

 

About an hour later he finished his second cup of Tarine tea and stared into the holo screen on his desk. It seemed incredible but perhaps he could actually pull it off. A small insignificant change in the guard duty roaster had opened up a time window just in case that his first option didn’t play out.

He checked his messages, there were dozens of new ones but only one caught his interest: “Delivery completed.”

He exhaled. It was almost too easy, not cheap but easy. It was done – he was a traitor. If he was lucky nobody would ever trace the leaked intel to him – but perhaps if it was … who would believe that General Hux himself had helped a member of the resistance escape?

It wouldn’t protect him from Ren if he decided to tear through Hux’s mind of course. Even then people wouldn’t believe it, credit Ren’s accusations to his insanity. That wouldn’t mean that Hux was less dead, so it was a small consolation.

He pulled the black leather gloves from his hands and picked the small branch up. It still felt warm. He got up and put it on the shelf behind his desk where his commendations were exhibited. It looked strange … a small branch amidst of polished medals and holopictures of star destroyers.

He picked the branch up and went into his bedroom. He pulled a small metallic box from a dresser and opened it: There were several old holos inside, along with a wooden box. He hesitated shortly before he put the branch into the box.

Just when he was about to close the lid, he hesitated. Rose had given him the branch, had made him a gift. As far as he could remember it was the only one he had ever received – everything else he had earned, bought himself or had simply taken. And here he was, putting it away like some trinket.

He picked the box up and headed back and put the box on his desk. He activated the first holopicture. It flickered a little but Wilhuff’s picture appeared. The next holo depicted his old mentor Grand Admiral Sloane. The wooden box was closed and he opened it slowly. His old Go stones from Jakku. He had forgotten about them.

He looked at his commendations and rearranged them so that there was little more space on the shelf. He carefully put the holopictures and the box with the Go stones on it, at the end he put the branch next to them. There, that was better.

 

 

Hux tried to focus on his tasks as the military head of the First Order. Taking holo-calls of subordinates, checking on progress on the newest weapons, but he felt distracted. He continued to check his chronometer, trying to fathom how far the rebels were with their infiltration team. He had no idea how efficient they were, if they had even mounted the rescue for Rose … but he had learned not to underestimate them.

A loud beeping announced that Ren was calling him. Hux composed himself and received the call. Ren’s figure materialised on the holo, he was pacing back and forth.

“I’ve expedited our journey, general. We’ll arrive in less than three hours.”

Hux felt how he blanched. “Very good, Supreme Leader. I’ll ready the prisoner for you,” he smoothly said.

“You’ll please to hear that I’ve retrieved the relic from Ghrma 4,” Ren continued after a pause. It was a clear attempt to provoke him.

Childish. “And what did it cost us?”

“Nothing we can’t easily replace,” Ren replied with a shrug. Then she turned his full attention on Hux, he felt something like a pressure on the back of his head, like a headache coming on. “I’m actually glad that you made it, general. Nuresh was too … servile.”

Hux frowned. “It is our duty to serve.”

“Ah, but you don’t serve me, you only serve yourself. And you’re not afraid of me, are you?” Ren lowered his voice until it was barely a whisper. “I don’t need boot-lickers, I need challengers.”

Hux scoffed. “You don’t want challengers. You’re just insulted that people think they can flatter you and believe you won’t see through their sweet-talking.”

An invisible grip took hold of his throat. “Careful Hux ...”

The holo call ended abruptly. Hux exhaled, ragged. Damn it, Ren’s earlier arrival would complicate things. He checked the holo. Time was running out. If the rebels were on their way they thought that they had still enough time … either he waited until it was too late and relied on the resistance or he acted now.

He got up and checked the chronometer again, the first opportunity was in 36 minutes: the Gamorrean garbage freighter. He straightened his jacket. This was the end of his career. It didn’t matter, not anymore.

 

 

Minutes later he briskly walked past the troopers guarding the door. They wore helmets of course, but the way they snapped their heads in his direction made clear that they were surprised to see him. Unprofessional.

At least they opened the metallic cell door quickly. Hux gulped as he saw Rose. Her broken arm had been fixed. And she had washed her hair. It was curly and a little messy. She looked striking, even in the grey jumpsuit she was now wearing. He wished he could caress her one last time, run his hand through her hair, give her a kiss. Silly.

He cleared his throat. “Supreme Leader Ren has announced his arrival in two hours. I-” He licked his lips. “Have you changed your mind?”

She looked him straight in the eye. “No.”

He became completely calm. He knew what he had to do. “Very well. Get up, you’re coming with me.”

She stood up. “What?”

He checked his holo, unable to look at her. “I’m taking you to the maintenance hangar; a Gamorrean garbage freighter is supposed to leave in 21 minutes.”

“You’re letting me go?” she asked, disbelieve clearly audible in her voice.

He finally found the courage to face her. He couldn’t help but smile at the surprised expression on her face. She was right of course, it was madness. Perhaps he really was more of a rabid cur than he had believed. “Well, yes.”

She closed in on him. “Won’t they get suspicious? Your people I mean?”

“They won’t question me … at least they won’t until Ren arrives. I’ve made sure that nobody will interfere in the hangar. It will look like a minor oversight in the duty roster. We have to go now.”

She seemed to think about what he had said. They didn’t have time for that; he placed his hand on her upper arm and steered her toward the door.

When they exited the two Stormtrooper stood at attention. They would provide good cover, Hux thought, then said: “You two, with me.”

“Yes, sir!”

The four of them walked towards the turbo lift. Hux had to improvise once they reached the lower levels, somehow he had to get rid of the guards. Suddenly the blaster felt heavy in its holster; well, there was also the hidden dagger in his left sleeve but perhaps he could just order them to leave?

They stepped into the lift; he was about to press the downward button when one of the troopers spoke up: “There is an urgent message for you, general.”

“What?”

Suddenly he faced the muzzle of a blaster rifle. “General Organa send her regards, Huggs.”

Rose’s face lit up. “Poe!”

Dameron! Hux almost groaned. This was the worst possible timing!

“We’re both here,” said the other trooper and lifted his helmet – it was FN-2187.

Dameron pressed the blaster into Hux’s chest. “Use your personal override and get us up to the officer’s quarters.”

Hux couldn’t hold back any longer. “You fool! There is no time-“

“Nobody wants to hear one of your speeches, Huggs. Just do it!”

Kriff! There was still a way to salvage this. He pushed the button to the level where his quarters were, at this time it was unlikely that they would encounter anybody. The upper brass was at dinner.

When the lift door opened they stepped out.

“Whose quarters are those?” asked FN-2187 and nodded towards the big door of Hux’ quarters.

“Mine.”

“Perfect,” said Dameron entirely too cheerily, “let’s go there and have a nice chat.”

Hux punched in his access code and once they were in Dameron ordered him on his knees. He obeyed and put his hands behind his head.

They checked all the rooms. Hux noticed that Rose took a look around and he realised that she could see the branch if she looked closely enough. She would know how pathetic he was … although … she probably already suspected that there was a reason for him to bust her out of prison.

The tension was palpable in the room.

Suddenly Dameron laughed. “I gotta say, Huggs, I expected your rooms to be a little more grandiose. Not even a picture of a Mr. or Mrs. Huggs? That’s just sad.”

His remark had the obviously intended effect. FN-2187 chuckled. Hux tried not to look at Rose. There was no need to humiliate her … although he felt a wild desire to wipe that condescending smile off Dameron’s face! “I suspect that is what distinguishes _Princess_ Organa from me.”

FN-2187 leaned down to him and hissed: “No, what makes her distinguished is that she’s an actual human being!”

He had an acid remark on the tip of his tongue, but from the corner of his eye he could see that Rose was now standing in front of the shelf with her branch. He pressed his lips to a thin line.

She jerked her head around in apparent surprise. She seemed to compose herself and returned into the middle of the room.

“What’s next?” she asked. “Where do we go from here?”

“According to blueprints we bought on the black market on Hutta there is supposed to be an escape route to hangar 42 somewhere.” Dameron smirked at Hux and sat down on the grey couch near the entrance. “All we need is its exact location.”

Hux almost rolled his eyes. “There is no escape route – there was a long time ago. But the layouts have changed.”

FN-2187 pressed his blaster rifle against Hux’ head. “Bullshit! He’s lying. We just have to take a longer look.”

“Ren is on his way here,” said Rose. “We should hurry.”

Dameron shifted on the couch. “Relax, we still got about four hours.”

“How do you know that?” asked Rose with a frown.

The tr- FN-2187 seemed to calm down and lowered his weapon. “We got intel that you were captured by the First Order. Our contact even gave us the exact location of your cell and a time frame. They said that Ren was on his way but wouldn’t arrive until midnight.”

She tensed up and Hux knew that she had seen through his ploy. She was possibly the smartest woman he had ever met, of course she could put one and one together.

After a few moments she exhaled. “Hux said that Ren would be here in less than two hours.”

Hux took note of the fact that she hadn’t disclosed that he had offered her to rescue her. Well, they probably wouldn’t believe her anyway unless … unless she told them about what had happened on the planet.

Dameron leaned forward. “That true?” He wasn’t smiling anymore.

Hux nodded.

“Crap, Finn, make sure that he doesn’t go anywhere. I’ll try to find the passageway with the map we’ve got.”

By the stars! “There is no escape route! You’ve got to-“

“Shut up, Hux,” snapped FN-2187.

To dismiss him like he was some gnat! He could feel anger and frustration boil up in his chest. Before he could pull himself together he started to yell: “Traitor! How dare you to talk to me like that?” Here he was, ready to sacrifice his career and they were too dense to-

“Give me a moment with him.” Rose’s voice gave him pause.

“What?” asked FN-2187.

“Let me talk to him.”

Hux could feel his breath quicken. What was her plan?

Dameron got up from the couch and stepped away. “Alright.”

He couldn’t read the expression on her face, but she seemed calm, determined. She glanced at his left hand, the corners of her mouth twitching. She knew about the dagger. What was she-

His thoughts derailed when she cupped his right cheek, he inhaled sharply. He had never thought that he would feel the heat of her skin against his. She pulled him softly closer until her lips almost brushed his sideburn.

“There is something you should know,” she whispered. “I lied when I said that I don’t like you. I miss you, even right now.”

He stared at her wide-eyed, trying to process what she had said to him. She- she missed him? She liked him? Everything seemed to move in slow-motion, she was letting go of him and stepped back. Hux stared at her, tears stinging in his eyes. He had trouble breathing. His chest seemed constricted somehow.

She liked him. She liked him, she didn’t hate him, despise him. She liked him! Someone like him could’ve had- he had to blink the tears away. He remembered the rumbling of Starkiller base beneath his feet, the red beam that burned away the last shreds of his humanity.

Regret so deep and black that he felt like he couldn’t breathe overcame him. If only he hadn’t crossed that threshold. If only he could just go with her.

She looked at him with kindness in her eyes. It almost broke his heart. “How do we escape?”

He hung his head in defeat. It was too late for plan B; only plan C would work now. “You need to take the turbo lift to sub-level 54B; there is a passage to hangar 11. It’s still under repairs from the last battle but it’s functional. There should be a shuttle for you to use. I need to come with you; you can’t access the hangar without a command code.”

The previous tension had cleared. It was her doing, but Hux couldn’t figure out how she had done it. The resistance fighters didn’t ask questions, didn’t seemed to wonder about his break-down. Instead they put on their helmets and readied themselves to leave.

 

 

Nobody dared to question Hux as he strutted towards hangar 11 with a high-value prisoner and two Stormtroopers. He was glad that he didn’t encounter any officers on the way. He must have looked like crap. His steps felt heavy. His head and his chest hurt.

Dameron was of course the first to enter the shuttle, FN-2187 guarded him outside. From time to time he stole glances at Rose; she stared at the shuttle. But once, once she returned his gaze, and there was a twitch at the corners of her mouth – he chose to believe that it was a smile.

Dameron exited the shuttle and gave them a thumbs up.

FN-2187 gestured towards Hux. “What about him?”

“We’ll leave him,” Rose said in a firm voice.

 “But-“ said Dameron, only to be interrupted by Rose.

“We’ll leave him.”

Of course they didn’t argue with her … what a woman. She looked at him before she boarded the shuttle. Her eyes were wet. If only he could leave with her, he thought bitterly. If only he had the courage to kiss her one last time. If only …

She gave him one last sad smile as a sob escaped his lips. She turned around and the airlock closed behind her. Almost immediately the shuttle took off. The power of the thrusters made the tails of his great coat flutter. He couldn’t move, he just stared at the shuttle flowing away out in the darkness of the galaxy.

Soon they were out of sight. She was gone.

 

 

Later that evening Hux limped into his quarters. To say that Ren had been displeased about the rebels’ escape would put it very, very mildly. First he had choked Hux and then thrown him into a computer console.

But to Hux’ immeasurable surprise he did believe him when he told a cock-and-bull story about being kidnapped by a group of resistance fighters and he how he had barely got away before they could abduct him.

It sounded ludicrous even in his own ears and he fully expected Ren to comb through his mind, leaving him brain damaged, to uncover what really had happened. But he didn’t. Perhaps it was because nobody would ever believe that the infamous General Hux would actually help the resistance.

His back hurt and his face was burning from small cuts.  He shed the greatcoat and put it on a hanger next to the entrance. He took a cloth brush out of the narrow closet nearby and started to mechanically brush his slightly dusty coat.

He grimaced when he laboriously pulled the boots from his feet; his back hurt. Then he picked an old rag from one of the drawers and started to polish the boots. Here he was, back where he belonged. Bringing peace to the galaxy at all costs … or that’s what he told himself. But it was all he had. All he could ever hope for.

Hux groaned as he put the boots down. He checked if he had placed them completely symmetrical. Order was necessary.

 

 

He stripped his uniform away and put it into the fresher. The light in the bathroom was harsh as always and he was about to dim it when he caught a good look of himself in the mirror. There was dried blood on his lips. There were old bruises, new bruises and a healed cut visible.

He put his hand on the injury on his upper chest, where Rose had treated him. He remembered her soft touch, the way she had looked at him at the end just before the First Order had showed up.

He lowered his hand and looked at his skinny frame and his pale complexion. She had seen all this and still she had kissed him, still she had liked him.

Perhaps he had been wrong about himself. Perhaps all of them had been wrong. Perhaps he wasn’t disgusting at all.

He didn’t dim the light when he stepped into the shower to wash away the blood, and he didn’t dim it when he brushed his teeth. He spit out and rinsed his mouth, then he looked up again and ran his hand through his damp hair. Perhaps he should cut it shorter. It had been uncomfortable on the planet after all. He liked the idea.

He glanced one more time into the mirror before he left. He didn’t have to be afraid of the light, not anymore.


	16. Epilogue

In hindsight it was strange how fast the First Order crumbled once Ren had been defeated by the scavenger girl. What wasn’t strange was how fast Hux had been sold out to the New Republic – he suspected that it had been the last revenge of a slighted officer from the Old Empire.

He had been in Republic custody for less than a month, awaiting trial for his many war crimes -- most prominently for wiping out the Hosnian system, of course.

He had expected a show trial, seeing as some of the crimes he was accused off didn’t happen under his direct supervision. But he was the last figurehead of the Order and they were right – he was responsible even if he hadn’t given the orders himself. He had been mildly surprised when he got an actual lawyer, a young twi’lek whose lekkus twitched when she spoke.

Solicitor Drua was very assiduous and went methodically through every charge laid upon him. He listened politely and at the very end she exhaled and leaned back.

“How do you want to plead, Mr. Hux?”

He took a sip of the cheap tea they served at the prison and grimaced at its sweetness. “Guilty.”

He could tell from the expression on her face that this wasn’t what she had expected to hear. “Guilty?”

“Well, I was an integral part of the First Order.”

She tilted her head, her lekkus intertwined. “You were. But one could argue that you didn’t order the bombardment of Balmorra for example. Frankly, I’m a bit surprised – I assumed you wanted to exploit every angle to escape the sentence for life.”

He scoffed. “What for? I’m guilty.”

She nodded. “If that’s what you want … I’ll prepare everything for the court.”

He just nodded. Taking another sip of the disgusting tea he mused about another boring evening in his single cell.

Drua stood up and put the data pad in her bag. “You’ve got a visitor. I’ll send her in if that’s alright with you.”

He sat up, almost chocking on his tea. “A visitor? Who?”

“According her security clearance she was with the resistance – Rose Tico.”

He felt how he blanched. It had been years … he gulped and realised that his hands started to tremble. “Ah.”

“Do you want to see her?”

He tried to compose himself and nodded.

Dura left and a couple moments later, Rose entered. He smiled at her – she looked as striking as ever. She shyly returned the smile, brushing her still curly hair behind her ear. She didn’t wear overalls but a dark blue suit. She held a small bowl with a lid in her hands.

“Hi,” he said quietly, not sure how to properly greet her.

“Hi.” She put the bowl on the table and sat down.

“W-What is it?” he asked and pointed towards the bowl.

“It’s snake soup with Shiso Leaf,” she said and pushed the bowl a little closer to him.

He laughed. “Snake soup? You made me snake soup?”

She shrugged. “Well, you seemed to like it.”

They smiled at each other for a few moments, then he cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“I’m good. I’m now an engineer in the Corellian ship yards. The work hours are crazy, but … I get to test my own designs.” She rubbed her hands together.

“I’m glad for you,” he said and straightened his grey prison uniform. “I assume you have a meeting of some sort here on Coruscant?”

“I came here to visit you,” she said with a kind gleam in her eyes.

He frowned. “But-“

“I wanted to bring you snake soup, all right?”

His smile faltered and he felt an all too familiar warmth spread on his cheeks. “Thank you.”

She blushed. “Don’t mention it.”

They fell silent for a moment. Then she reached into her purse and pulled the sets of chopstick out of it. She handed him one set and opened the lid.

The smell was delicious. They started to eat in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked by some of my readers to write an epilogue - so I hope this (fluffy?) ending is what you hoped for :3  
> At first I wanted to go for a different last scene but after writing the last chapter I thought this might be more fitting - seeing as Hux literally steps from the darkness into the light.
> 
> Thank you for your support!


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